thoughts and reflections

manila

2010-07-20T10:53:00.011-05:00

It has been quite a few weeks since our trip to Manila. Oddly enough, it was our first time there even though Mama has been based there for almost 3 years! In fact she has left the WHO office in Manila and transferred to the New Delhi office, which was the reason why we went there - for her farewell party!

Papa has been going there from time to time but otherwise she prefers to come back home and tells us there isn't much in Manila and so no need to go there! But to me, no matter how boring a place is, it is still worthy of (at least one) visit! It is true Manila is not the most enchanting city in the world with not much culture or attractions (apart from shopping malls!) but I still think the history is interesting and the good natured people pleasant.

In fact I couldn't help but to draw a lot of parallels between the Filipinas and the Malays which I found quite intriguing as history would tell us they are the same ethnic group anyway. To me, if not for the difference in religions, the characteristics between the two are amazingly similar - warm but lazy, very particular about looks and style, not very innovative but easily content.

Our visit to Intramuros which is an old walled city built by the Spaniards proved to be satisfying too. It is like being transported all of a sudden in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the city to Europe in the 16th century. Doing the tour on a horse carriage intensified the experience even further and of course the kids were thrilled! The old buildings ranging from churches to schools, most are still in use but some are abandoned, told a story of how Manila once was a long time ago.

Today, Manila which up to the 1970s was the richest country in South East Asia is sadly one of the poorest, thanks to a corrupt government and lack of education among its people. And to me it was an eye opener as Malaysia too, if not careful could fall into the same trap some day.

The disparity between the poor and the rich is disturbing to say the least. Our very own experience proved this as we were exposed to both 'worlds' in one day. As Theresa (my parents' Filipino helper who has been with us for almost 15 years) came with us on this trip and has been so excited to show me their new place - we decided to give them a visit. They have moved to this 'house' from the slums about a year ago, so it was a big deal and a proud moment for her. And I am saying 'house' because in actual fact it is just a room may be 4m x 8m in size. Soon after we entered, Imran asked "but where is the bedroom Tita?" not realising not only don't they have a bedroom, they don't even have a bed or a mattress.

On the way to and from Theresa's house, we had to drive pass one of the biggest slums in the world - and as I wasn't quite prepared for such hardcore poverty to be displayed by the main road, I found myself almost not being able to even look. Unclothed children bathing by the roadside together with chicken and dogs, scrap being used to house families - it was ridiculously sad.

Then, we went back to Mama's apartment to freshen up and waited to be picked up by the chauffeur of one of Mama's colleagues. They wanted to give us lunch (as part of the trail of farewell invitations by such warm friends Mama made while working there) in one of the restaurants in Makati. Arriving in the posh area of Makati, I could not believe we were in the same country as the one we have just experienced in the morning! Lush greenery, wide clean roads, skyscrapers and huge haciendas - how is this possible?

Imran and Rania had a great time. I think the experience of living in an apartment in a shopping mall with the 7th floor being the pool and playground area complete with a mini-golf was a novelty for them. I, on the other hand realised I am not made for apartment living as I was dying to get back on the ground and feel the grass again!

But the thing that topped the list for me from this trip is how Imran till today keep saying that he wants to go to Manila again and "this time for good!" And then when I said to him, "but where will you stay as Dadi is not in Manila anymore?" He says "I will stay in Tita's house and I will sleep on the floor with Tita's mother and daughter." Aaah, the purity in children. If only they remain like this...

rania's first words

2010-05-10T09:27:00.008-05:00

Rania's vocabulary has been increasing quite a lot lately and I thought to myself, I must sit down and write down a list of (some of the) words she is saying at 17 months. So here goes my random list:

Nyum Nyum (eat)

Baby

Ja-tuh

Mamook (nyamuk / mosquito)

Fish

Byes (bye)

Beck (bag)

Mik (milk)

Car

Ni? (this?)

There!

Babee (strawberry)

Oosh (juice / shoes)

Bed (bread)

Kakak (any girl / woman)

Tik (hair clip)

Bor (ball)

Book

Tengs (thanks)

O-oh (when she drops something)

No-no (no)

Anya (Rania)

Mama

Papa

Baba (Abang)

Bibik

Dada

Dadi

(Uncle) BEN!

Ma mama (Tok Mama)

Aiya (Arlia, her best friend)

Mamay (Uncle Emir)

Of course she also recognizes body parts such as nose, eyes, ears, cheeks, hands, feet, shoulders, mouth, teeth - but her favourite is the belly button, although one needs to be warned not to ask her this in public as after showing hers, she would always insist on seeing yours!

She also LOVES animals and being quizzed about the noise they make. So dog, cat, cow, horse, snake, duck, sheep, tiger, lion, bird, mouse and monkey are part of her vocabulary too. Oh, and the minute she hears the word Tarzan, she would automatically make the sound "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" with a cheeky smile. And that is thanks to the Abang who is constantly shouting it while jumping from couch to couch almost every afternoon!

She loves music and dances to the rhythm of either slow (swinging slowly from side to side) or fast (tip-toeing and bouncing her body up and down). She sings and hums in her sweet (but sometimes rather deep and firm) voice when she is in the car, while on the swing at the patio and when putting herself to sleep.

This age is just precious and I guess since there is no way that I can freeze her now, this is my attempt at freezing this moment in words just so that I can read it back again in years to come. Mama loves you Anya !!

work and kids

2010-03-06T04:34:00.014-05:00

My plan for 2010 was to slowly start getting back to work, i.e getting involved in some kind of architecture project. Now that Rania is 15 months old, it seems like quite a good time to do so. Strangely enough though, both my father and my in-laws have now decided to renovate their homes too (my dad's project is their village home in India so my involvement is not full swing). Still, I seem to be busier than expected nowadays having three projects running at the same time on the drawing board! I just hope I'll be able to manage it without sacrificing too much time with the kids - as that clearly is still my priority.

Especially when seeing how fast they're growing, it really makes me realise how much I want to embrace this precious time as it will be gone so quickly. Rania has grown so much into her own personality and is really quite independant now. And so although I look forward to have more time to myself as this happens, I know I will miss this stage of her so very much - just the thought of it is unbearable. Even Imran's growth scares me sometimes. He now goes to the toilet on his own - he is able to take off his pants and can climb on the toilet without any help!

They both get along a lot more these days as they can relate to one another better now that Rania is older. The dynamics of their relationship has also changed a lot since Rania turned one. As she became sturdier physically and stopped breastfeeding, they started to bathe, play in the bath and get ready for bed together, and also eat the same food. I think that helped a lot in bringing them closer together.

However, Imran still thinks his sister is a bit boring because she can't exactly talk! And of course he's a talker - so for now he's quite happy with the company of his imaginary big sisters (3 of them to be exact) and a big brother! I encourage him with his wild imagination as I believe it's healthy but sometimes it can be quite confusing when one of his grandmother comes home and he says "Oh ya, do you know that my sisters are also coming later?" or "We better rush home Dadi because I need to catch a flight to Perth this evening!" He is certainly very engrossed in his imaginary world. Apparently his Papa is a farmer, but oh well, whatever that keeps him entertained!

Rania thinks whatever her brother does is cool and would want to do exactly what he does. I now understand why some parents buy everything in two(s) or more as the fighting for that one thing can be so severe!! Rania even wants to wear Imran's shoes! She keeps taking all her brother's different shoes from the shoe cabinet, give them to me and say "shoes!" while showing to her feet! She is communicating a lot these days and loves making sounds of all the different animals - her favourite being the "moooo" and the "miaw" in an unexpectedly sweet voice. She is also very generous with her "Hi!" and "Bye" and can say all of our names, the latest being herself which sounds more like "Anya"!

She can be a sweetie pie, but most of the time she is the gangster in this house, screaming at the top of her lungs if she doesn't get what she wants and looking at me straight in the eye when I attempt to feed her (most of the time she only wants to feed herself) while saying "No-No" complete with her index finger moving to the sides in all firmness. What can I say, I knew it from the start - this one is going to be a tough cookie!

But they are born with certain personalities and we must embrace them no matter how different they may be to you and with their glaring contrasts, I adore them both with all my heart! Although it's starting to be quite obvious that Imran is a Mummy's boy and Rania definitely the Daddy's girl!

bali

2010-01-09T11:22:00.012-05:00

Many people find it hard to believe that I have never been to Bali. But I have not been very attracted to the place as I always had an image of it just full of Australian truckers and pushy bracelet sellers on the road side! Only recently have I realised that perhaps there is a reason why a lot of people love and keep going back there. And true enough, I wasn't at all disappointed.

First and fore most, contrary to what I thought before, there is so much more to the popular tourist destination than its beaches. Bali's rich culture mainly stems from their practice of the oldest form of the Hindu religion. And this is seen not only through the many puras (temples) there but in their everyday life. Every shop we went to no matter how modern and 'westernised' would have a little place of worship with offerings.

The people are very nice, warm and genuine. No doubt some can be a little pushy like these girls selling knick-knacks at the paddy terrace in Ubud, but I guess that is to be expected in a place that is full of tourists! Plus they are so sweet as they are and just so pleasant, it is almost impossible to get angry at them.

Although the beach (at least the one that we went to) is not as nice as some of the beaches we have here, I do understand why surfers flock there all the time! The waves are pretty amazing and in fact can be dangerously choppy. Both Imran and Rania enjoyed having a play in the sea when Imran especially usually prefers to stay near the sand building castles and what not.

On top of all that Bali has to offer, I have to admit that I find the mix of old and new and of east and west particularly fascinating. The many Europeans, Australians and Japanese who fell in love with the place and decided to live there by virtue of opening villas, shops, restaurants and bars not only create a vibrant international community there but also inject a very unique flavour to the place. And the fact that most of these people have a pretty much similar outlook towards life, i.e relaxed lifestyle and appreciation for culture of others - I certainly think I wouldn't mind staying here for a few months just to pause from our hectic schedule and simply enjoy life for a while!

Lastly, the villas which is dotted everywhere in Bali are indeed very special. Where else can you be pampered with such spectacular architecture thanks to the many foreign architects and designers who live there and superb workmanship thanks to the highly artistic Balinese cratftsmanship - combined with such affordable services. I felt almost too spoilt having staff attending to our back and call, and having spa sessions in the villa itself whenever we felt like it. I was in fact worried that I would get used to it all and was quite glad to leave and be back to reality on our last day there!

But one thing is for sure - we will certainly be back to Bali especially when it's just a few hours away as it's hard to beat the place with all its attractions.

rania's birthday in perth

2009-12-02T08:20:00.009-05:00

We just came back from a 10 days break in Perth. The trip co-incided with Rania's birthday and so we decided to take the family out for lunch at one of our favourite haunt 'Secret Garden' especially when the weather was so beautiful.

We had Rania's birthday party at the foreshore in South Perth the next day and although I planned it from Malaysia a few weeks prior to the day, I really had to thank my mother-in-law for organising all the food! We used one of the BBQ pits to cook up some steak, chicken wings and sausages, and served them with some fried rice cooked by Tok Mama and fried Mihun by Tok Wan themselves. Her delicious birthday cupcakes were made especially by the meticulous hands of Angela and the birthday girl had her very first own cupcake all to herself!

It was really meaningful for us to be able to share this special milestone with close family and friends which we have spent some of our significant years before in Perth, although I really wished my parents would have just jumped on the plane to join us even if for a few days! As they had scheduled work and travel commitments, they had to turn down our 'invitation'.

Still we had a great time and certainly a lovely holiday. Imran really loves it there at this age being able to play at the playgrounds which is covered by sand (his obsession!), feed the ducks and birds at the park just in front of the house and of course the farm. After reading lots of books about farm animals and tractors, it was like a dream for him to actually 'work' at one - well in his imagination anyway! Eventhough he has been there twice before, I don't think he quiet enjoyed it as much as he did this time around. In fact he didn't want to leave and was breaking into tears while suggesting that he could stay there all by himself!

Rania developed a lot during the trip too. Thanks to plenty of practice of walking on the sand at the beach and playgrounds, she walks really well now and in fact seems to be running sometimes! I am so proud of my girl the good eater - she was so easy with food that we didn't have to cook any special food for her. She ate whatever we ate - nasi biryani, oxtail soup, nasi tomato, seafood chowder - she was even crazy about the capers we had in the pasta at one of the restaurants!!

The cute thing was she knew excatly where her Tok Mama's cookie jar was located at the kitchen table top and would always stop right there and point upwards while saying "this" or "nak!". The girl is certainly vocalising these days and also knows how to say "no", which is probably not a very good thing! Her understanding has developed so much too with her being really upset if she gets a scolding. Her ability to interact is becoming more and more apparent like when she wants to have her nap. She would touch her hair and rub her eyes while waving and saying the sweetest "bye" to announce that she is quite ready to have a nap!

Oh well, I guess I have to accept reality that my girl is one now and is no longer a baby. And what better way than to turn this chapter during such a wonderful holiday in Perth. I can't help but to feel extraordinarily lucky to have such an ideal holiday spot and home there, and these kids sure are very lucky too!

the halloween birthday party

2009-11-03T09:48:00.005-05:00

We decided to do a Halloween birthday party for Imran this year as I thought it would be fun to get the kids to dress-up. Sure enough the birthday boy - Superman Imran was in his element in that suit and truly believed he was a super-hero for a day! Baby elephant Rania however wasn't very keen on her head-piece and really, who can blame her for that? It's not really fun having a trunk coming in between your eyes!

Imran and some of his classmates have been discussing about what they were wearing for the party too as he would come home from school to report to me - and I think the build up of all that excitement resulted in him being super excited and one happy birthday boy and the end of it!

We had 28 kids on that day dressing up as batman, bat-woman, Bumble-Bee, pirate, baby monkey, ballerina, angel, bunny rabbit and of course some 'princesses' also made it to the party! It was great fun to see the kids in their outfits and I wished I had taken more photos of them, but handling that many children and making sure their parents relaxed and had something to eat kept most of us occupied especially when I was ambitious enough to get the (mostly) three year olds to play 'pass the parcel'!

It was nice that all the family members contributed in making it a special day for Imran. Aunty Nelly made mini cottage pies and sandwiches which was sponsored by Dada. Dadi made the most popular item cucur udang. Tok Jenny made her famous risoles but specially mini ones only for the party. And Tok Mama organised some of the other foods and the lovely fruit 'cocktail'. It was a good thing that I delegated all the food items and ordered the birthday cake and cupcakes, so I could concentrate in getting the house and kids ready in their costumes!

There was slight drizzle that appeared from time to time which didn't allow us to play the games in the garden, but considering that it has been raining heavily pretty much everyday nowadays in the afternoons, I would be very greedy to have asked for better weather that day!

Imran received many nice presents too including a bicycle from Uncle Ben and Aunty Nelly, a tractor that he can ride on from Uncle Niki and Aunty Elma, a police station tent from Aunty Nor, Aunty Raz and Aunty Ainnal and some are still being hid in the cupboard to be opened only when he has settled down a bit more! I am worried now that he thinks he can get this all the time and have told him that he has to wait for one whole year now for a new set of toys.

I hope we didn't spoil him too much but I think the boy deserves it as his party was canceled at the very last minute last year when I had early contractions from Rania! So for the last three nights now, he has been telling me before going to bed "I had a great party!" And that makes me so happy beyond words - as long as he doesn't expect it all the time!

imran is three

2009-10-29T11:05:00.010-05:00

Imran turned 3 today and I can't help but be proud of what my boy has grown into. Although he can do better at sharing his toys with his little sister and be more friendly to people he meets, he is such a sweet little thing at heart.

He says things like "I love your SO much Mama" and my favourite one is "You're MY best Mummy!", which is a little strange but melts my heart regardless. Then there are all these conversations with him which I keep meaning to write down, but never got around doing. But I will document this particular one which we had a few days ago on a typical afternoon while playing at the patio.

He was climbing all the way up the ladder to 'fix' an artificial cobweb stuck on the grill which was meant to be part of the decoration for his party on the weekend. The thing is flimsy and fragile, and we have just put it there to test and see how the thing works.

So I said, "Imran, you're not touching the cobweb!"

Somehow looking a little surprised he said, "But why Mama?"

To which I answered "Because that is supposed to be for your party and we don't want to spoil it before your party, do we?"

His face turned sour with dissapoinment and he slowly came down the ladder before crying some real tears which was rather unexpected. Didn't think he was so set on the idea! But anyway he settled quite quickly after a cuddle and an explanation.

However about an hour later, he came up to me to receive yet another cuddle before saying, "Mama, I really feel sad when you get SO upset with me. That's why LAH I cried just now."

So I said, "Oh, don't worry Imran. I'm not upset anymore now"

And then he said something which I thought was so out of line!

He said, "But I really feel like making you a card, put it in an ENVE-LOPE, and give it to you"

I was slightly confused about such a random idea, and asked him,

"And the card will say I'm sorry?"

He then answered, "No, the card will say - I LOVE you, will you come for my party?"

At that point I just smiled at such strange but cute randomness and tried very hard not to laugh, and said "Sure I'll come to your party!"

Happy 3rd birthday little muchkin!! XOXO

*The photo is of him 'helping' uncle potong rumput - his all-time favourite besides the chinese speaking contractor!

rania on her feet!

2009-10-27T09:26:00.006-05:00

Rania has been 'furniture walking' since she was around 7 months old, so seeing her on her feet and mobile is not anything new. But then about a month ago, she started to let go of her hands just to stand without any support. And it wasn't until about three weeks ago that she started to step forward. It started with one step, and then two and it kept increasing! Now she can walk quite happily for a good six or so steps and moving from one furniture to the other. And of course she would expect a clap too at the end of it!

This girl is brave and so although she hasn't quite fine-tune her balance yet, she has no problems letting herself go and fall from time to time, only to pull herself up and try again! Where as I remember Imran before found it a lot more daunting to let himself go in fear of falling. This is just one example of the difference in personality between the two of them. There are many more - which makes it obvious to predict that Rania will be a more strong-headed person than her brother.

Even at this age she is very single minded and knows exactly what she wants. And what she wants is usually whatever her brother is playing with - be it his beloved 'motorcycle', ladder or 'lawn-mower'. So at the moment the house is constantly filled with Imran's voice shouting "No Rania, No Rania, No Rania, No!" which can create quite a stressful scene. But one person who doesn't feel stressed is the sister! She will not give up and will keep trying to get what she wants.

Too often, it reminds so much of me and Nelly growing up when we were around 7 and 8. When I sit at the table to draw, she would come and grab all the crayons. So I would move to the piano and start practising some songs, only to find her sitting next to me to play another tune! The 'circuit' would just go on and on!

Anyway, back to the walking - I can't help but to feel emotional to see Rania making this transition from a baby to a toddler. When Imran first started walking (a week after his birthday during a weekend at a friend's house in Belgium), we were just so excited and proud for him to achieve this major milestone. But then now with Rania, I wouldn't mind if she takes her time to do so, as I have realised how quickly they leave their babyhood once they are truly on their feet. And that there is no turning back!!

aidilfitri

2009-09-25T09:01:00.009-05:00

Unlike in the recent previous years, I found myself really looking forward to Eid or Raya this time around. It would be Imran's first Raya at home as we were in France during his first year and holidaying in Perth during his second. And at 3 years old this year, I thought he would learn and enjoy the celebrations much more and also understand better the many beautiful ideas and meaning behind Ramadhan and Syawal. Indeed he did, despite not wanting to wear his songkok and samping for long! Rania had a great time too getting lots of attention during all these festivities!

The anticipation for Eid this year was further exaggerated with our newly renovated kampung house. For the first time in history, I was part of the mad raya crowd buying outfits for the kids (well at least for Imran!), furniture, curtains, carpets and kitchen utensils all in the spirit of Raya. It was a little project that we got ourselves into getting the house ready for this special time and we had fun with it!

Imran had a blast exploring the kampung grounds and living kampung life. The bigger boys had a great time with the fire crackers. The grandparents had a lovely time with their grandchildren. We had a fun time entertaining guests. But most special to me was just being with beloved family for the few days that we were together. It's not always easy when the family now consists of 7 strong-headed adults (some more than others!) from very different cultural backgrounds, exposure and generations - but it was all worth it and to me, just perfect!

1Malaysia?

2009-08-30T10:54:00.007-05:00

The events which have been occurring in this country in the last few weeks have left me feeling a little uneasy to say the least, disappointed mostly and frustrated at times. First there was Kartika Sari's caning punishment for drinking beer, then the banning of alcohol in Selangor, then I heard that Muslims are not allowed to attend the Black Eyed Peas concert. And then as if things couldn't get any worse - the disgusting racist protest in Shah Alam took place.

I don't know if racism is getting worse in this country or whether it is just surfacing from under the carpet. I suspect (and am hoping) it is the latter. And I would like to be optimistic to believe that we have to go through some hardship such as these to make this nation a better one, which in my definition a moderate and fair Muslim country.

I do understand that the issues of 'Ketuanan Melayu' and ideas of Bumiputera's special rights are far from straight forward. I have read and studied Dr. Mahathir's Malay Dillema many years ago while writing my dissertation paper at university, and thus am aware of the complexities of the issue.

However, all I wish for is for Malaysians to be more at ease with each other despite colour, race and beliefs and to accept that religion is a very personal matter. Perhaps it is because I am a product of mixed blood that I get offended with labels such as 'keling' and worse still the negative connotation that comes with it. For example, I can't understand why it is considered funny during Deepavali when you get remarks such as "you pun raya juga ke?" I also can't comprehend why is it that some people prefer to spell "ca ya nun alif" when refering to the chinese and of course would rather spell "ba alif ba ya" when refering to pork. Are these so taboo that we shouldn't even mention them? And why are 'we' such a proud 'race' that we look down at others?

Even worse is the hypocrisy behind it. We sell Malaysia as 'Malaysia truly Asia' and claims that we live in perfect harmony with the three main ethnic groups. But, this is not really true is it?

I hate to sound preachy, and that is why I never write or talk much about these things. But the truth is it does bother me. I suspect this topic is uncomfortable to most people and many prefer to leave it undiscussed. I don't expect any comments, I just wanted to write about how I feel about things which to me are very important.

imran and rania

2009-07-14T02:21:00.009-05:00

My two 'babies' have grown so much in the last few weeks. I can't believe that they are in fact starting to play together already. Rania pretty much moves towards her brother all day, always trying to attract his attention and communicate with him. Eventhough he doesn't think his sister is quite cool enough to play with him, he does quietly converse with her and even sneak a peck on her cheeks when nobody is looking!

Rania, I predict will be a strong-headed girl (much like her Aunty Nelly and many other second child around!) Her persistence is obvious when seeing her diligently practise new skills like motor skills with her hands, crawling and standing. Thanks to all her hard work, she now does her cross-pattern crawling well and fast that we are often surprised to see her suddenly appearing at the bathroom door and in the kitchen when we are there! She is already pulling herself up and standing at only 7+ months.

She has a very good appetite much like her brother. I guess this passion for food is in their genes, so I should feel very lucky for this! She doesn't have any tooth yet though, so is still eating everything pureed. It is hard to say her favourite food too, as she pretty much wipes everything of her bowl!

Probably a common feature with most second sibbling, Rania is definitely more independant as compared to Imran at this age and is also stronger. She doesn't complain much and is happy most of the time especially when she gets any attention - something that she doesn't get too much at home! (as she needs to share it with her brother) I feel bad for her sometimes but do try to give her my all in the mornings when Imran is at school. I am also starting to take her to a weekly music class just for her to socialise and have fun, and she is already loving it!

Imran has been potty trained for a bit more than 2 weeks now and since then has been obsessed about his underwear! When he is bored, he would arrange his underwear (and socks - his other obsession) in his cupboard and putting them in paper bags pretending to be selling them. He would ask me, "Do you want to buy underwear for your son?" It is just so funny, but he is totally into his pretend play whether he is building a house or shopping for fish and vegetables at Giant or of course - cutting the grass (still a favourite!)

No doubt it can get tough and tiring taking care of two at these tender ages. There are moments when I feel like going back to work (this only lasts for 5 seconds though!) when for example I need to attend to Rania who is crying from hunger or exhaustion, and Imran suddenly shouting "I wee wee on the floor Mama!" Then there are those increasingly familiar moments of frustration when Imran storms out of his room at 2 pm when he should be having his afternoon nap only to wake up his little sister who is equally eager to get out of her cot.

Despite all of these challenges, I still feel very content staying at home to take care of my little ones with my very own hands, as it is such a joy to see them grow every day and so satisfying to see them thrive when you give them your best - or rather try to give them your best.

monsoon wedding

2009-06-22T10:17:00.004-05:00

The trip that we have been planning for months had finally come and I was anxious about it until the very last minute. It was our trip to India only for 4 days and 4 nights to attend a close friend's wedding. But since we were leaving Rania for the first time and only at 6+ months, it was rather tough emotionally. However, I knew they were in good hands of the grandparents and since we left both of them with clear instructions on their routine, frozen foods and breastmilk for Rania - all went pretty smoothly.

We left for the airport just after putting Rania down for her sleep, but seeing Imran waving goodbye in his pyjamas probably falsely thinking that we would be back in a few hours was not at all easy. I cried the first 10 minutes in the car while Dino held my hands, which then made me realise that this holiday was really essential and a good refresher for our relationship.

We flew to Chennai first for one night before flying to Hyderabad from there. Meeting up again with our INSEAD friends after almost 2 years was certainly the highlight of the trip. We stayed together at the prestigious Sekunderabad Club (thanks to our generous hosts), so we spent plenty of time catching up on each other's progress since leaving INSEAD and also on all the gossips!

The wedding stretched for 3 consecutive nights, so we just had a blast partying just like the good old days. For some of our 'Western' friends, it was such an interesting experience to be part of a typical Indian wedding, but for us it is not very foreign. With all the beautiful Indian music in the background, vibrant colours, the smell of fragrant flowers and the rain which poured down from time to time - it really reminded me of the famous Mira Nair's movie 'The Monsoon Wedding'.

It was a shame that we didn't manage to see many historical sites as our priority was to catch up with friends, have some time to relax (since we didn't have the kids!) and of course a little bit of shopping. I only went to 3 shops, but did enough shopping in all 3! We also managed to squeeze in an ayurvedic spa treatment on our last day, so that was a bonus. Food of course was awesome, although I did find the Hyderabadi food a little too spicy for my tongue.

Upon coming back home, I just couldn't wait to hug Imran and to have Rania in my arms again. Imran was smiling from ear to ear pretty much the whole day that day and said "Mama, Next time please don't let me go" which broke my heart at the time! But, I certainly think that it was a great break for us and that it is important for the children to be apart from us sometimes to learn to be independant and to bond with the rest of the family.

Rania held me so tight while enjoying her breastfeed after 4 days of expressed milk from the bottle. She was fine though and apparently adjusted much better than Imran (who kept saying he missed us and who was irritable most of the time!). Rania however did get her first ever flu (from Imran who was just recovering when we left) and I am so glad that my parents decided not to tell us, so that we did not worry and continued enjoying the holiday which we certainly deserved!

family support for breast cancer

2009-06-03T09:53:00.014-05:00

The TKC-OGA organisation is compiling a book on breast cancer. It includes my mum's written speech which she gave at their last gathering two weeks ago. In addition to that, they have asked us as family members to share with others our experience during this challenging time.

I am so glad I took some time to do this, as I realise that it is important to document this significant time of our lives and that it would be useful for others who might have to go through the same experience in the future. Have I not written this down, these memories might just vanish with time - which would be such a shame. Here is my piece for the compilation.
________________________________________________________________________

My mother and I have always had the fear of breast cancer due to the many lumps that we have in our breasts. These lumps have been confirmed as ‘benign’ during our annual check-ups since 1996, but when both my parents related their worry about a suspicious lump in Mama’s right breast in May 2007, I suddenly felt intensely that my fears were becoming real.

It was the worst possible timing too as my parents and sister were visiting me and my own little family in France where we were located for a year. We were having such a nice family time when my father, who is a Pathologist, told me about their anxiety. His instincts are usually accurate, so when he expressed his worry to me, I couldn’t help but think of the worst scenario. But when the diagnosis was made soon after they arrived back in KL, no matter how I was preparing myself for the bad news, I was still devastated.

Since I was so far away, this devastation was made worse with the feeling of helplessness and even guilt for not being with her and the rest of the family during these trying times. Fortunately our summer break was only a few weeks away. I then decided to wait for my husband to finish his classes, so we could come back together with our then 8 months old son to give Mama the support that she needed. Initially we had planned a few trips around Europe before heading back for the holidays, but we quickly canceled all these plans to come back home as soon as possible.

For a small family like ours, just being around must have made a lot of difference to Mama. The presence of our baby Imran was definitely most therapeutic. Mama started the chemotherapy treatment soon after we arrived, and since we were staying with her at the time, our company was an automatic support for her. Not only had Mama needed our support, but for Papa and my sister Nelly, it was a huge relief to be able to distribute the load, and for all of us to hold each others hands and remain strong as a family during this daunting experience. Our youngest brother, Ashed who was studying in Australia at the time also came home to lend his support. From the first chemotherapy session to the second and then on to the subsequent cycles, we stood by her physically, mentally and emotionally.

Our company, and especially Imran’s gave her a reason to wake up every morning and be strong, just so that she could play with him. When she felt too weak, my insistence for her to sleep and not to worry about things around her gave her an assurance that everything would be alright. During this time, she was still going through the process of regret and fear before getting to the acceptance stage, so just lending my ears and shoulders to cry on was helpful. More importantly, our words and insistence for her to snap out of the despair and anxiety, slowly but surely guided her to a more positive spirit.

Us being there also meant that we could ‘spoil’ her and ask her to name whatever it is that she felt like eating, especially when her appetite was down. At one time, when she did not feel like eating anything, we were scratching our heads to find some food that would trigger her appetite, when my mother in-law (a TKC-ian herself, and an especially caring person) arrived from Perth with nine avocadoes. Voila! Lo and behold – it was like manna from heaven – it was the only thing that tasted good to her, and that kept her nourished for a few days!

My uncle and aunties also came from India to spoil her and since she has a weakness for Gujrati food, it was truly a blessing to have them cook all her favourite dishes. She also experienced some soreness in her feet as one of the many side effects of chemotherapy, and so my aunty would massage her everyday without fail with some special oil that they had brought from India. Bless their kind hearts and sincerity, I was so moved by their unbounded love and generosity, and learnt so much about family commitments from them during this time.

Another point where our support came in very handy was when her hair started to fall down. Nelly and I convinced her that she should get a trendy short hairstyle and that she would look great in it. Indeed she did! And when she shaved her head, we held her hands and told her that it’s the best thing to do rather than seeing her long strands of hair disappearing into the bathroom drain. Nelly researched to find the best wig shop in town and we had a great time choosing one which suited her best. We did go overboard though, and tried on all the wigs ourselves. Even Papa had the cheek to get one for himself, but we told him NO!

We also encouraged Mama to involve herself in a project, as she was not used to being idle at home, having had a busy career all her life. Since she not only enjoyed, but was also good at sewing, she thought it was a good idea for her to make a patchwork blanket like she used to do during her younger days. We were enthusiastic about it as the blanket not only would be nice and useful (we had used the old ones until they literally fell apart!), but more importantly it would be such a meaningful piece of work that in the future would remind us of this significant time that we were going through. I took her to get some fabrics and we chose the ones with brighter colours to uplift her mood. Making the blankets (she made four pieces in the end, each one bearing an embroidered date to commemorate the cycles of chemotherapy completed) occupied her time when she was well enough during the four and a half months of chemotherapy and lifted her spirits when she felt down.

After her fourth cycle of chemotherapy, we had to return back to France as my husband’s classes were starting again after the summer break. I contemplated staying back for her, but she resisted saying that he needed me and Imran, more than she did. With a heavy heart, we left but only with a plan of her coming to visit us soon after she finished her treatment, which would be about 6 weeks after we left. Looking forward to the trip boosted her spirits and our daily ‘Skype’ calls made her challenging days go by faster. Soon enough, she arrived just seven days after her last cycle of chemo to celebrate Imran’s first birthday with us. She had even handmade personalized little goody bags for Imran’s friends at his birthday party!

Looking back, one cannot deny the challenging ordeal that we had gone through together. Despite being the strong person that she is, Mama would surely attest to the fact that her journey was made easier by having the physical, mental and emotional support of her beloved family. We pray everyday that she would remain cancer free forever, Insya-Allah.

rolling all over

2009-05-11T09:35:00.006-05:00

Rania rolled over about two weeks ago, and since then she is a different person! I forgot about this stage with Imran, but it is only logical that this is the stage when they often get a little 'cranky'.

Rolling over is such an important milestone as they suddenly realise a new dimension of the world! So, mentally they start to be more curious about things around them and is very keen to explore. And since they can't quite move yet and is trying very hard to, they often get frustrated and start calling for someone to pick them up so they can be part of the 'real world'.

I can definitely see this with Rania. And the change is quite sudden too. While before I can just leave her on her baby gym or bouncy chair, she now demands to be carried around while I do things. She gets excited when I open the microwave or the fridge to discover that space behind! She gets upset that she can't quite hold the remote control or the handphone. And she gets frustrated when she is on her tummy but can't move forward.

Before she would be quite happy being on her own just playing with her toes, but now she dislikes being alone- thanks to the development of 'separation anxiety'. And while before she wouldn't care whose arms she is in, she can now cry some real tears if she is held by someone she's not familiar with- thanks to the development of 'stranger anxiety'.

To me, it is just so interesting to observe this. And while with the first child you're just trying to learn and adjust so much, I feel that you appreciate more with the second child as you know things will change so quickly and all these are just short stages which needs to be cherished.

I just can't get over how much she has grown. She's like a little girl now and has a personality of her own. If I leave her to go out, she would cry only when she finally sees or hears me when I come back, which is a sign of her emotional maturity.

I am so nervous now to leave her and Imran in about a month time as we will be going to India for 4 days for a wedding. Just thinking about it makes me feel nervous and emotional - not because I don't trust the grandparents whom we're leaving them with, but nervous if I will miss them too much!

But I believe it is important and healthy for us to spend some 'alone' time without them and also for them to bond with the grandparents. I do wish it is not so soon though, but we can't ask the couple to delay their wedding just for us right? I've tried!

p/s Thanks Aunty Zetty for my lovely dress - my Mama thinks it's very chic!

the datai experience

2009-04-22T02:02:00.004-05:00

This was quite a few weeks back, but I wanted to document this magical experience so that when I read it back (which I surprisingly do!) I will remember it for a long time to come.

We have been wanting a beach holiday for some time. Imran really wanted to make sand castles and I just needed to relax on the waves amongst the sea breeze, especially after the pregnancy, delivery and demanding first few months of Rania's life. Now that she is stable and settled into a routine, we thought she deserves her first holiday! It was important that we had time just the 4 of us for 4 days to just bond and enjoy each other.

We decided to stay at Andaman in Langkawi and it was our first stay there. I even managed to enjoy a relaxation massage at the spa perched up on a hill overlooking the Andaman Sea while Dino babysat both the kids, which was such a treat for me.

But, an experience I shall never forget is the walk to Datai resort which is only next to the Andaman. As the kids enjoy the outdoors pretty much the whole day, they are so tired in the evenings that we decided to put them to sleep as usual at 7pm and get a babysitter to watch them in the room.

We were looking forward for a nice quiet dinner and the restaurants in Andaman didn't seem to be too appealing, so the staff suggested that we go to the Datai as they had some nice places to dine in. As both resorts belong to the same owner, you could actually use the facilities there and charge everything under one bill. They did say that we could also use a car, but we decided to walk in stead.

I am so glad we chose to do that, although we didn't feel that way at the time! It was a long beautiful walk by the beach in the forest. It was dark with only a few path lights, and everything was quiet that you could only here the crickets and the waves beating onto the beach. We kept walking and walking, but the path just went on and on. I got quite scared and although Dino said he wasn't, I know he kind of was too! It was too late to turn back (and get on the car in stead!), and we thought we must be almost there.

But, we weren't. After about 15 minutes of (fast) walking, we saw a swimming pool and a beautiful traditional hut in the middle of nowhere, and of course there was not a soul there! We decided to go inland from the pool area as we thought this pool has to be part of the Datai Resort. But the path just went on and led onto a bridge. I was still scared but couldn't help but to stop and look at the tall and majestic trees surrounding us. They are so tall - taller than I have ever seen in my life. Dino wanted to rush ahead until we get to civilisation, but I insisted to pause and enjoy the magical experience! So, we kept walking and stopping and walking again. I gasped and almost cried just mesmerised by the beauty of nature.

After more walking, we started to hear some noise of people talking and laughing, as if from a restaurant. So we followed the sound and soon enough we reached a massive stone wall with stairs behind it. We walked up and arrived in this magical place. Still panting from the unplanned exercise, we sat down for a nice dinner while still enjoying the surroundings. I was just so glad I didn't put on my high heels that night!

I knew Datai won many architectural awards and is known to be amazing, but I was taken aback with its backdrop - the 50 million years old tropical rainforest! I wonder if it feels as breathtaking as it did in the daytime, but the adventure we went through was pure magic!

rania on solids

2009-04-21T20:24:00.007-05:00

Rania is 5 months yesterday and is happily eating now. I still can't believe I introduced solids to her so early at just over 4 months when Imran only had his first taste just before he turned 6 months.

She was waking up earlier than usual from her naps, so I thought it was a sign that her stomach wanted more than the milk. That was when I thought perhaps she was ready for the good old solids, and to my amazement she was keen from the start! I was rather surprised as Imran took a while to learn how to 'eat' from the spoon.

As with Imran, I started giving her some baby rice mixed with breastmilk and slowly added apple or pear puree to it. Now she is eating pureed carrot and rice, potato, pumpkin and papaya. Her favourite seems to be the apple, but I am excited to introduce her to more exciting foods when she turns 6 months.

She is getting to be more and more sociable these days and likes to be talked to. She is also quite strong, already turning to her side and always wanting to raise her head. She's quite good with entertaining herself - she can spend a good 15 minutes just playing with her toes!

It's true when they say that babies' looks change from time to time. I definitely think she's looking more and more like me when I was a baby, although I might just be imagining it! Whatever it is, she is the darling of our family for now - and even Imran thinks so!

mum of the year award

2009-03-02T03:03:00.010-05:00

Thank you Nina for awarding me this! Although I don't know if I deserve it, I do know for sure that I am very serious about my role as a mother and am always giving my all to be a good mum to Imran and Rania.

It seems that the award comes with a set of rules which are:

1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you.

So, here goes.

1. I feel awful that every evening, I actually look forward to put them to bed, so that I can enjoy some 'me' time and have some quietness and adult conversation. It's always a relief once they've gone to bed, but the thing is essentially we'll be talking about them all evening and that's the time when I suddenly miss them and want to wake them up! (but this feeling only lasts for 30 seconds though!)

2. The things I love about my kids

- How Rania's finger toes curl up in bliss while she's breastfeeding

- How she holds my finger and sometimes my clothes so tightly not wanting to let it go

- Her toothless grin and the smiling eyes that accompany it

- Imran's baby-talk and how he calls himself 'Iman'

- Imran's 'happy dance' which he does when he can't contain his excitement

- His sense of humor and his laugh

- The times we spend together just the 4 of us

3. I would like to award this to

- Back to Nina who is always trying to do her best for her family - not only her little unit, but also the larger one (this is what I gather from reading your blog!)

- Elynor who (especially now in her last weeks of pregnancy) is taking care of her little one often alone while hubby is away

- Izy who is taking care of her 2 boys at their tender ages and is still breastfeeding her 1.5 year old (while working too!)

- Ly-D who managed to breastfeed her 2 babies while working for at least a year (she must have spent a lot of time in the Petronas expressing room!)

- Modek who is managing being a mum while studying and without help or family support overseas. I've been through it so I know how tough it can be!

the girl in ralph lauren

2009-02-26T21:38:00.004-05:00

It is like deja vu. It feels like yesterday when I posted a blog entry titled 'The boy in Baby Dior' of Imran when we had just arrived in France. He was about the same age as Rania in this picture at 13 weeks.

Rania is getting more and more interactive these days. I love it when she grins so wide, her eyes smile too. She's also 'talking' gu-gu-ga-ga now with exciting intonation at times, which just melt my heart. Her Papa is completely besotted by her!

She has always been in love with Imran. From day one, she would look for Imran's voice in a room, which just amazes me. When he comes to our room in the mornings or comes back from school in the afternoon, Rania's eyes would light up and she would be kicking in excitement when she hears his voice. It must be because she heard so much of his (loud and constant) voice even when she was still in my tummy.

Thanks for being more experienced the second time around and having learnt from some mistakes during Imran's first few months, Rania feeds and sleeps well. She pretty much adheres to a routine, which makes it much easier for me to handle both of them. She has just started to sleep thru the night too with only a dreamfeed which I give her just before going to bed around 11pm, so life is much better now as I am pretty fresh in the day time and also I can go out at nights without worrying about her too much!

imran and words

2009-02-26T21:05:00.006-05:00

Imran started talking quite early and I think being a chatterbox is something that came from me (and not so much from Dino!) Although he started talking in Malay, he is now speaking quite a lot of English (and Indonesian too when speaking to Bibik!)

I really enjoy conversing with him these days and I find that so many times, I am surprised with the things he says and how quickly he learns new words. And the boy seems to be growing too quickly that I can already imagine how much I will miss this stage of him. If I can, I want to freeze him now and not let him grow up anymore! Since that is not possible (and probably also unfair!), I thought I should at least document some of the things he says so that one day they will serve me as memories when he no longer has so much innocence in him.

One evening just before tucking him to bed,
"Mama, what's that sound?"
"It's the azan from the mosque. They're telling us that it's time for sembahyang"
He looked like he was thinking hard before asking again,
"Sound from where?"
"From the mosque"
A long pause..
"Yang bandaraya fish makan tu?"
I had to think for a while before bursting into laughter
"That's moss Imran, not mosque"

One day while playing with his zoo van toy that his Papa bought for him, he said
"When I grow up I want to be zoo keeper"
"Really?"
"Yes. What you want to be Mama when you grow up biiiiig (while raising his arms to the sky) like Papa?"
Trying hard not to laugh, I answered
"I think I want to be an architect"
"Architect apa Mama?"
"Architect draw buildings, macam Mama draw on the drawing board tu.."
"Hmmmm... I want to be zoo keeper"

I thought to myself, this is what happens when you decide to be a stay-at-home mum - your child actually thinks that you're not quite biiiiig yet! Oh well, that's part of the sacrifice I guess!

the sweetest thing

2008-12-28T09:37:00.010-05:00

It has been 5+ weeks since Rania was born, and of course life has changed completely. Going out for a simple outing is like going for a big trip these days and having a 3-hour stretch sleep is considered a luxury! I've forgotten how it is to have a newborn baby - the short sleeps they have, their need to be carried a lot, the amount of diapers they go through in a day!

But, life is good and I can only count my blessings for this lovely gift. It is so satisfying to see her growing healthily, in fact she is filling up quite quickly just from breastmilk alone (may be she'll be a chubby baby like I was!)

Imran seems to be attached to his little sister. I am so pleased that he doesn't seem to be jealous and I hope it remains that way! He likes kissing her and touching her hair and hands gently while assuring me "Iman gentle saja Mama". The boy is getting to be oh so chatty these days and loves pretend play. One minute he is 'uncle potong rumput' and the next the breadman, but every so often he is 'uncle chef' pretending to cook dosai, fried rice, dim sum and such.

It is just amazing for me to look at both of them and see how much they grow and develop in just two years. Milestones after milestones, before you realize it they are a person of their very own. I feel emotional at times and proud to have raised Imran to what he is today and am looking forward to do the same for Rania. But beyond that, I am not so sure. I think I am happy with two as it is a lot of hard work! Probably the biggest commitment in your life, it is most certainly the sweetest.

our new bundle of joy

2008-11-27T02:53:00.011-05:00

r a n i a
21 OCTOBER 08 - 12.59 AM - 2.84 KG - 48 CM

Introducing the new addition to our family. While she gave her Mama a scare by wanting to come out too early at 32 weeks, I managed to make her wait till 37 weeks (just like her brother!) when she is more ready to be out of the womb. Alhamdulillah, she is a perfectly healthy baby, and after all the anxiety due to his travels, her Papa was around afterall to receive her into the world.

In fact it was this time last week that I started feeling the contractions. But as I had a few false alarm before having many Braxton Hicks contractions which only subsided after a while, I thought this can't be it. So I continued playing with Imran, fed him his dinner, put him down to bed and made plans to go out for dinner as I really felt like Italian food.

On the way out to dinner, I realised it was getting stronger and also pretty regular. But I insisted on the dinner as I was starving anyway. I had a lovely time at dinner despite the pain which came every 4 minutes. Dino was getting anxious and excited, he kept telling me that it was for real and that we should rush to the hospital. But I didn't want to hurry and insisted on my dessert. I thought it's better than lying down on the hospital bed anyway.

We got to Ampang Putri Hospital just before 10 pm and sure enough I was already 4 cm dilated and the contractions were already strong. I made a brave decision not to have epidural this time, but felt nervous as the pain started to feel more and more intense after the water bag was broken. We all thought that the baby was probably coming out early morning, so doctor, my dad and Dino decided to go up to the room to get some rest at around 11.15 pm. The nurses said I should try catch some sleep since I was on Pethadin. But I couldn't doze off at all as the pain just kept getting stronger. At about 12.20 am, I called for the nurse as I thought the pain was getting really intense. They came in and were surprised to find me 7cm dilated already, and soon after 8 cm. So they rushed to call the doctor and Dino, who both just like in a drama ran into the labor room to find the top of the baby's head already presenting. It was obviously time to push, and out she came out after the first push. I was just so relieved and happy to hear her cry a healthy cry.

We're now back at home and adjusting to our new life of having two kids! It has been fantastic having Dino around on his paternity leave, but next week the real challenge will start. Imran has been handling it well so far, always looking out for his sister first thing in the morning and when he arrives back from school. But he still doesn't understand why he can't have a bath with his sister! :)

And Rania - she's just beautiful. She is feeding and sleeping well so far and seems to be quite alert. She loves looking at the lights but absolutely hates changing. I have a feeling she'll be a strong character. We just feel so blessed to have a pair now and that she has arrived safely into our life.

terrible two

2008-11-18T22:01:00.005-05:00

When people said to me "Welcome to the terrible twos" with a smirk, I thought come on, it can't be that bad. Until one fine day about a week ago when Imran started to exhibit an unusual behaviour of throwing his temper when I told him not to play with the door. He started to get so upset by screaming continously that I couldn't reason, distract or calm him down which was quite unusual. The more I raised my voice, the more upset he would become, running around and rolling himself on the grass in the garden!

Since then, similar behaviour has repeated itself numerous times when he can't get what he wants. It got to a point where I was actually worried and called Dino at the office to share my frustration and worry. I thought it seemed like hysteria! That evening Dino had to handle the same situation when he refused to come upstairs for his bath. We didn't know what to do and did not want to give in to what he wants especially when he has already 'misbehaved'. We thought making him 'win' was just going to be disaster in the future as he will use it as a method to get his way every time.

As we were both scratching our heads wondering where the boy was getting all this determination and energy from, I turned to the always reliable and useful babycentre.com! I couldn't believe what i read under the subject 'tantrum' (thank goodness it's not hysteria!) While I was relieved to know that it is common, I was amazed at how accurate the descriptions were.

It helped a lot to understand that it arises from frustration as it is at this age that they suddenly realise their independence and gain confidence to go against what others say. I guess it is no co-incidence that it is happening just as he starts to settle in play-school. It also helped to know how to handle the situation. Apparently what we were doing, i.e holding him down and reason with him (obviously we had to scream to him so that he can hear us!) were making the situation worse. In stead, we're supposed let him snap out of it on his own, and also not to make a big deal of the situation. This isn't easy though as you get tired and frustrated listening to him scream, not to mention sympathise with him. And what do you do when it happens in public?

I can only hope that this phase will pass as quickly as possible (although I know that's wishful thinking!)

a whirlwind of intense emotions

2008-11-05T02:11:00.010-05:00

I have been telling everyone including my gynae that I have a strong feeling that this baby might come out early. Imran was 3 weeks early, but this time I somehow feared that it might be really early. So I rushed and prepared the baby's room and just when this was taking shape, I experienced something that I remember only experiencing in the labor room a few hours before Imran was born.

I said to Dino that I think it might be contractions and it is not Braxton Hicks as it seems quite regular. So we decided to get it checked on the CTG monitor at the hospital in the morning. True enough, the minute the doctor saw the CTG graph, he said "that's pre-term labor". I panicked and Dino was waiting at the gate of KLIA waiting for confirmation if he should or should not board the plane to Jakarta.

As the baby was only at 33 weeks, the doctor advised to stop the contractions with medication and bed-rest. I freaked out when he suggested that I be warded so I can rest properly (I think he knows me too well and suspect that I might cheat a bit if I'm at home..) But, of course I don't want to be hospitalised. Who's going to take care of Imran? (especially when Dino is away half of the week). No doubt there are maids who can take care of him but it would be really difficult for both me and him to detach ourselves from one another so suddenly as we are so close to each other.

So now, here I am at home resting. Although it's tough for me and Imran (and Dino who now tries to minimise his time in Jakarta and has got to be both Papa and Mama to Imran), I have to stay focused to make sure this baby inside of me is keeping well and ready to face the world. 2 more weeks and I feel quite confident that she'll be alright (Insya-Allah), but the longer she can stay in, the better it is of course.

I feel a bit calmer now that I have adjusted to a new routine of just sitting back and giving instructions to people around me (actually it isn't so bad!), and also that Imran is getting used to me not being able to carry him etc. But the past week has been filled with such intense emotions - of nervousness that the baby might come out early especially when Dino is not around, of sadness to see Imran being affected by the sudden change - he keeps coming to me to say "Iman sayang Mama" and to check on the baby in the tummy, of restlessness for not being able to do what I usually do, of confusion if we should go on with Imran's birthday party (we decided to cancel), of anxiety if the baby is well and ready to see the world, of worry if we will cope well with having the new addition, and of course of excitement to be able to see the new baby soon (hopefully not so soon though!)

perth trip and then back to reality

2008-10-14T08:08:00.008-05:00

We decided to spend this year's raya in Perth with Dino's side of the family as we haven't been there for some time, and it might be the last holiday for me for a while! Imran enjoyed himself thoroughly this time around as he was a bit too young the last time he was there. Now that he's on his feet, he had a blast going to the playgrounds, walking at the park, exploring the farm and chasing the birds and ducks!

The trip was a bit short but we did very well maximising all the activities in the one week that we had. There was Imran's first trip to the zoo, an overnight stay at the farm, some shopping (mostly for things for the baby and for the new house), catching up with family and friends and of course there was raya. We took Imran to the mosque in the morning for him to experience some raya atmosphere and we had quite a few guests at the house throughout the day. Next year he definitely should experience the real raya on kampung grounds!

Coming back to reality in KL, it was starting to get used to our new routine of Dino being away 4 days in the week. His new project in Jakarta requires him to be there from Monday morning to Thursday evening every week. I guess he has been lucky to have had local projects for more than 6 months since he joined the company and now it's time to experience the real consulting lifestyle. Of course it's not so fun not having him around, but it really isn't too bad.

However, I did have a little panic attack last weekend. I guess I have been too busy to know what was going on in my mind, but by the time I realised it, I was crying just from panicking! Now as I put things in perspective, I realised that it was just adjusting to so many new things at once - having our own house, our own maid (sometimes it feels more of a burden!), putting Imran in playschool, preparing for the new baby and of course the latest one of not having the hubby around half of the week to do all these adjusting with.

But, it's funny how sometimes you have to have a little breakdown for you to realise how to better the situation. I realise now that I really should delegate more to the help I have around me and not be too obsessed about handling Imran all to myself. I get upset when people tell me that I push myself too much and now that I'm 7 months pregnant I really shouldn't to avoid early delivery - but I realise that it's probably true. So here I am reflecting and somehow putting it in words crystalises it even more!

One thing for sure though is that I am really not alone as I have so much support around me - I know that my dad and my sister is only a phone call away and I am so blessed for that. The conveniences that is available at my in-laws' is also undeniably helpful. Lastly, having a maid to clean-up the house and do the laundry is without a doubt such a great help. It makes me realise how wise we were not to have pursued working overseas when the job requires this much travelling. Thank goodness I had my senses right at that time!

new home

2008-09-08T10:12:00.004-05:00

We've moved into our home as planned. After months of working on the renovation work and getting the house ready to live in, we now have our first home! Imran still calls it 'rumah bayu kita' but is definitely getting more and more familiar with the space. Although the house is still empty with absolutely minimum furniture, both Dino and I are super thrilled to have a nest we can call our own.

Of course having a house comes with huge responsibilities too, which I've always been nervous about, but so far we have been managing alright. We also have a maid now and at times I feel it is like having another child to worry about! But I can't deny the fact that I need one especially when we have the baby soon, hopefully in December.

The pregnancy has been well so far although am starting to feel pretty big now already when I still have 3 months to go! The baby seems to kick a lot more too as compared to Imran before. The boy is certainly getting hyped up about having a sister (hopefully!) and keeps reminding me that we need to get a cot and some curtains for the baby's room!

He seems to know what is going on around him a lot more these days and could converse with you like an adult - telling stories, asking questions and what not. Potty training wise, it hasn't been successful with me chickening out when seeing him not quite ready and also thinking that the timing might not be ideal with moving house. I might even leave it to the school to do it when he goes in October!

pregnancy and imran update

2008-06-29T08:58:00.004-05:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. I have been feeling pretty sick from the pregnancy. The nausea and the need to eat massive amounts of food have definitely been more demanding compared to my first pregnancy.Thankfully I am finally starting to feel better now at 16 weeks and have started doing yoga again which feels good. Still I need to constantly eat, or else I get gassy and start gagging or worse still throwing up. But at least the nausea is much better, although I still feel safer having 'asam' all the time in my handbag!

Imran of course has been prepped about having a baby in Mama's tummy, although I doubt he understands the concept very much at this age. He still kisses the bump which is starting to get bigger and when asked what baby is doing, he will say "shleep shleep".

Meanwhile, the boy is really growing into his own self and is building up his vocabulary everyday. He is very diligent to practise his sentencing skills which consists maximum of three words like "shoe imran kicik. shoe papa bishaaaaa!" His intonation is certainly full of expression that Dino reckons he could go to TKC!

He is also very sociable and very much a people's person. While I try to show him interesting things from the car like "Look Imran - that's a cement mixer!", he will just be interested to point out all the "uncle", "aunty" and "abang" that he sees from the car window. When he sees me on the lap top, he will insist to see this picture of him with "Sayah". He also goes outside the house in the evenings to call the neighbouring kids to "mashuk" into his house while excitedly showing the way.

He definitely has a shoe fetish. He loves looking at his Papa's shoe cabinet and will point out the "ofice shoe", "dinner shoe", goff shoe", "footboi shoe", "jogging shoe" and "croc shoe". He is over the moon now that he has two pairs of 'shoes' instead of just his crocs. He now has a pair of "shipa" - what a treat!

In fact, this past week has been quite a treat for him as he has three new things that he adores - a tricycle, his first new pair of slippers and a potty! At the moment, he thinks it's just a fancy looking seat specially for him but hopefully we would be able to start potty-training him soon!

strange things happen..

2008-05-06T08:10:00.006-05:00

... when you're pregnant and yes, I am expecting baby no.2! It's still early days only at about 10 weeks now, so fingers crossed all will be smooth.

For now, I have to say the nausea is quite bad and definitely worse than with Imran's pregnancy.The food cravings have also been more demanding compared to before. The funny thing is I had very similar cravings as with previous pregnancy like the beef carpaccio from Nerovivo (I know I'm not supposed to eat raw meat now but I just couldn't help it!) and also the famous char kuey teow from Kuala Pilah (which I still haven't managed to get hold of)

The problem is though that there is all these new foods added to the list now. I seem to always be craving for Ramly burgers which is really strange as I'm not even a big fan of these on normal days. But, at least this isn't difficult to find. The most recent craving I've experienced is (thanks to Dyda for posting a photo of it in Facebook) is the chicken rice from TKC! Gosh - I just can't seem to get rid of its image in my head and am always thinking of that very particular taste of the simple rice, chicken and sauce ensemble on that metal tray! I even thought of driving to TKC for lunch on chicken day and queue for it to satisfy my craving, but that would be odd wouldn't it? Anyway what day is it again - Tuesday or Wednesday?

And then not surprisingly, I am also constantly craving for fresh French baguette and cheese from France, which I will never be able to get from here. Sigh..

Whatever it is, I just hope it won't last for too much longer. I mean, I really don't want to complain about it as this really is a wonderful blessing and both Dino and I (and hopefully Imran) are ecstatic about having a new addition to our family. However, it will definitely be better if this nausea and cravings would stop soon! :)

adjusting to housewife-dom

2008-03-30T10:04:00.007-05:00

Not Imran, but me! Anyway, I have to say that so far I have been enjoying it. Basically my week consists of 2-hour yoga classes which I do religiously twice a week, one Tumbletots session with Imran, designing, drawing and managing the renovation work of our new house, grocery shopping, playing and swimming with Imran, taking him out for outings and putting him to sleep in the evenings. Life is good I must say.

Initially I wasn't sure if I was going to get bored of it, but I seriously think I won't! No doubt having a project of getting our new house ready keeps my brain working and injects a small dose of stress which is 'healthy' (does this makes sense?) and necessary. But I don't think I'm ready for work (yet, anyway) as I find myself rushing home after my yoga class just to feed the boy his lunch. As if the maid can't do this for him, I realise that I am somewhat obsessive with my baby, but I just can't help myself!

On his update, he has grown a lot in the last few weeks - physically, mentally and definitely verbally. He loves pretending to drive my car and when asked where he's going, he'll answer very casually 'shop'. He loves to pretend to cook too. So the typical conversation will go like this,

"Imran nak buat apa ni?"
" Mashak"
"Imran nak masak apa?"
"Bubur"
"Bubur apa?"
"Ayam"

So yes, you can pretty much have small conversations with him these days. And he definitely speaks more Malay too as I think it's much easier than English. He even says "Masheh" in stead of "Thank you", but it really doesn't matter whichever language first.

One thing for sure is that it's such a great joy watching him develop every day and I certainly don't want to be missing out!

a new dawn indeed

2008-03-09T10:41:00.004-05:00

It has been a weekend full of excitement from the general elections and also from catching up with our friends in Singapore. Although we were there attending a friend's wedding, our minds were always in touch with things going on at home - both in the form of updates on Imran who was left behind at home and also the results of the elections that kept coming in, in doses of surprises and excitement.

Tonight as I sit down to catch up on my blog, I am sad that the holiday is finally over. Dino starts his (notoriously long hours) new job tomorrow and I am slightly nervous of adjusting to our new routine and lifestyle, especially when Imran and I have been so spoilt having him around these last few months. Although he was busy with his MBA the whole of last year, it has been rather flexible hours with us meeting him at campus throughout the day and having breaks every few months. In fact it is hard for me to even imagine not having him around as he has always been around since Imran was born!

But all good things come to an end. And we have been lucky to even have a taste of it. Now it is time to get back to reality. At the same time, with the purchase of our new house also being confirmed, it seems that not only is it a new dawn for Malaysia, but it seems to also be one for us.

Here's to a more democratic Malaysia (it's about time!) and to a hopefully not too harsh reality for the three of us!

conversation with imran

2008-02-12T08:43:00.002-05:00

It happened about two weeks ago. The boy has picked up a new hobby of throwing pebbles into the tortoise pond at my parents' house. Except the fact that I have to pick up the pebbles every time just to give him the joy of throwing them into the water, I thought of it as a perfectly healthy activity for my boy.

But one day, he started to think outside the box. I was on the computer inside the house when I knew he must be up to no good as he was too quiet for some time. True enough, when I went to check on the cheeky boy, I was shocked to see my pair of high heel shoes and Havaianas thongs floating in the pond! I was furious at first, but soon realised that he is only innocent and needs to be told that he is not supposed to do certain things.

So, when I was washing his hands and giving him a nappy change, I started to tell him the rules, not realising that a 15 month old would fully understand me. I told him, "Imran, you can't throw shoes in the pond. It's no-no." His face was sad (the boy is very sensitive!). Then I said, "Batu and ball is ok. But shoe no-no." And then he looked at me and said "dindi?" I had no choice but to say, "dindi also no-no." His face again turned sour and upset, breaking up into small tears.

At that point I could only hug him to make him feel better. And it was then that I thought to myself that, oh my, this is the first conversation that I've had with my son! It was emotional and funny, all rolled into one!

* 'dindi' (for some strange reason) refers to any thing or articles like padlock, earings, remote controls etc

settling back

2008-01-21T21:15:00.001-05:00

We've been back in KL for two weeks now and I have been enjoying the warm weather a lot after those cold winter days and nights in Europe. I was slightly nervous about how Imran would cope with the drastic change of atmosphere in KL, but I have to say he has coped very well. In fact I think he loves it here with all the attention he's getting from the family and not forgetting all the new and interesting food he has been exposed to. He loves the mushroom chicken rice from Madam Kwans, unagi and sushi from the japanese restaurant and all the tropical fruits which he now calls 'congo' (supposed to be mango!)

His vocabulary is building up day by day, and it is just so amazing to be able to communicate with him now. He might also be a footballer in the making as he never tires of kicking the ball and shouting "goal"! The grandparents just can't seem to have enough of him so we have been going back and forth from both houses to make everybody happy.

As if having two houses is not enough, we have decided to get our own place too which is probably going to be make things even more complicated! But after some rather hard work convincing the parents, we are now looking forward to have our own base, our own sanctuary and a place we would truly belong to.

provence and the new year

2008-01-01T06:48:00.001-05:00

After Dino's graduation and saying goodbye to INSEAD and friends, we spent one week in Provence together with part of Dino's family. I've always wanted to experience the south of France, so I guess it was the perfect time to do so. We rented a house in St Remy for a week and used it as a base to explore the areas aound it like Avignon, Marseilles, Cannes, Nice and Monaco.

The house is very provencal, made even more so with its setting amidst olive groves and majestic hills as the backdrop. I could only imagine how beautiful it would be in summer with the swimming pool and gorgeous garden.

Provence is just stunning with its own flavour. As we drove around the area, I never got tired of the view from my window. They flash like picture frames, much like the famous paintings of Van Gogh and Cezane. It is no wonder why the great artists got so much inspiration from the region. And it was then that I understood for the first time what they meant by the translucent light that the region possess, making the scenes irresistable from being captured on canvas.

It was a nice time spent with family especially to see them enjoying Imran's company. In fact I felt that he grew so much in that week. I almost felt emotional as I sat and realised that he is no longer a baby, but truly a toddler as he trots along, walking up and down the house with its open plan. His personality and independance has come out so much since he started walking confidently. He even pushes open the door to his bedroom while waving and saying goodbye to all of us when he is ready for his nap!

I really can't wait now to get home, especially to let his other grandparents enjoy him. Today is the first day of the new year, and although it will be sad to leave Fontainebleau for good tomorrow, I am eager to move on with life and start fresh in KL. But before that, we are spending a few days in Paris before heading home, so I am looking forward to that too!

the things i will miss

2007-12-16T17:11:00.000-05:00

Our lovely house that holds so many special memories
The park of the chateau with its different characters every season
The marche where we buy our fruits and vegetables every Sunday
The fromagerie where we buy the best French cheeses
The boulangerie and its smell of fresh baguette and pastries
French cafes, french food, french wines
The INSEAD campus where we meet people from all over the world
Friends and the wonderful times we spend together
Friends' children whom I have seen grow and grown attached to!
Dinner parties, tea parties and some other more crazy INSEAD parties
Being in this part of the world where there are just so many places around to explore

Less than 3 weeks before we leave. Now that Dino's family are here for the graduation, the end of this chapter seems to be more real than ever before. And it's kind of sad. Needless to say, it has been a phenomenal experience and we can only thank our lucky stars for it!

dillema

2007-12-05T17:18:00.001-05:00

Now that we have to return to the 'real world' after this extra-ordinary year, I am faced with a dillema that I knew I would sooner or later - shall I go back to work?

I have been so spoilt to have been able to be with Imran in his first year and now it will be difficult for me to commit myself to working and let others have the joy of taking care of him. The thought of not being able to have lunch with him, taking him for activities in the afternoons and seeing that smile on his face when I pick him up from his naps seem almost impossible at times.

On the other hand, it would be nice for me to have something to work on and I do love what I do in terms of work. The problem is the commitment to the long hours and also the stress makes me question if it is worth the sacrifice. I guess it would be good if I can work part-time, but it's difficult to imagine anyone in Malaysia wanting to hire a part-time architect! I could also do something at a smaller scale on my own so that I have more flexibility, but I know that having your own business is even more stressful.

I know this dillema is all very familiar to most mothers. But at the end of the day, a decision has to be made and it is a decision that really affects your life.

getting ready for the next chapter

2007-11-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

What a relief that we now know where we will be next year. After weeks of anxiety while searching and interviewing for jobs, Dino has finally secured a consulting job in KL. And although we're having mixed feelings about heading home, I sincerely think that this is the best for us, at least for now. With the job demanding late hours and lots of travelling, I certainly am glad it's based in KL for at least I know I won't be alone.

I can look forward to being close to my family and friends again, to having help with house work, to wearing summer clothes, to mushroom chicken rice in Madam Kwan, to affordable spa trips and jazz nights in Alexis! There are definitely a lot of advantages of going back home, but the things that I don't look forward to is the horrible traffic jam and the lack of safety, which I think do really affect your quality of life. But oh well, I guess in life you can't get everything.

So now, we just have to prepare ourselves for this next chapter, start packing all our wordly belongings that I have somehow collected throughout the year and savour whatever time that we have here. It will certainly be sad to leave this place.

p/s Imran's baju Melayu is a lovely birthday gift from Zeti and Mode - yes, mini-Dino I know! :)

the birthday party

2007-11-06T15:11:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Imran's first birthday last Sunday. Although I had a disaster with my three failed banana cakes (yes, 3!) the evening went on pretty smoohtly and everyone (I hope) had a nice time. The birthday boy surprisingly seemed to have enjoyed himself too, having his house decorated with strings of balloons and getting lots of attention (and presents!) But what made it so special was having his Dadi come all the way from Malaysia just to celebrate his big day with him. 7 days after her last chemo, I can't begin to tell how happy and proud I am of my mum to have made it here to share the big milestone with us.

Of course having Mum is also great in the food department! We made some chicken satays (for the first time of course..) and the peanut sauce was specially made by Imran's great grandma. We also had curry puffs, fried bihun and peanut butter sandwiches for the kids. Although I didn't manage the banana cake in the end, Imran's first birthday cake was a delicious chocolate fondant (which came from a box!) but hey, at least I still made it and decorated it myself!

We gave away goody bags which were handmade by Imran's Dadi, which to me was the most special part of the celebration. My only regret is not taking enough photos, but I'm sure the memories will be stored in my mind for a long time to come.

and now.. about the haircut

2007-10-30T15:59:00.001-05:00

On a lighter note compared to the previous post, I thought Imran's first 'proper' haircut needed to be documented - especially when it's done by who else but his Papa! The boy behaved very well (thanks to his favourite DVD) and I must say Dino did a very good job!

happy birthday imran!

2007-10-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

What a special day it was exactly a year ago today. Although it was a bit unexpected that morning as you decided to come out to the world 3 weeks before the expected date, it was the happiest day of my life so far. I guess all the activities the previous day - the birthday party we attended, the two doctor visits, a site visit to Aunty Nelly's house that was being renovated and finally a get-together with friends at our house made you all too eager to experience it all with your very own eyes.

Delivering you was not too difficult (thanks to epidural!) It didn't take long either - we went to the hospital at 9 am to find out that the contractions has started, the epidural was given at around noon and you came out at 4.11 pm on that beautiful Sunday afternoon. You were welcomed to this world by me and your Papa, and also your Dada, Dadi and Aunty Nelly. It was an emotional moment in the labor room, a moment I will never forget.

From that day on, my life has changed for good, and for the better. I now know the real meaning of life, and with your many more years of growing up, I look forward to my life being enriched even more! Thank you baby for coming into our lives and making it so colourful and meaningful. We love you more than words can say.

p/s The beautiful scarf was hand-knitted by Angela especially for your first birthday!

catching up in london

2007-10-26T04:04:00.000-05:00

We decided at the very last minute to go to London for Dino's break. With the year almost coming to an end and us most likely leaving Europe, I thought I would never forgive forgive myself had I not gone to visit my good friend Zetty in her element in London! In fact, with both of us in different countries and having babies recently, we have not been able to catch up on each other's lives for quite some time, so it was time that we did.

It was also special to see our kids making friends, although at this age it's more of parallel play. What more with Zaara already walking up and about - Imran could only sit and watch her in envy! He would be crawling fast to get to the toys only to find Zaara zooming pass him! It was quite funny to watch them. They do relate to each other - Zaara would hold Imran's hand when he's eating on her high chair (which by the way is exactly the same as Imran's - how bizare!)

Things got a bit stressful sometimes though, as Imran found it a bit difficult to adjust to the new environment. I think gone were the days when it was easy to take him travelling around. Now, he is more sensitive and demands for his comfort zone.

But, we still had a lovely time with our hosts Zetty and Juk. We also managed to see the really cool 'crack' exhibition at the Tate Modern, visit Foster's Millenium Dome which is just a few steps away from their place, catch up with some other friends, visit the impressive AA school of architecture and scouting for artworks and small antique items from the London markets which I just adore. To top it all, we had some nice meals too - Zetty made my favourite roti jala with chicken curry, chicken rice and we had yummy chinese food (unlike what you get in Fonty!)

Overall, it was a nice break from our quiet life here. It was probably a bit too exciting for Imran, but I think he likes it as now he can't stop saying 'London' - his latest word!

p/s Imran is wearing Zaara's cardigan - it had flowers on the other side, unfortunately wasn't captured by the camera!

on raya eve

2007-10-12T14:16:00.000-05:00

I'm missing my family so much, it hurts. I miss being with them in the kampung enjoying the raya atmosphere together - the pelita-lit fences, the sound of fire crackers, the happy voices of children running around the lawns and the raya songs coming out of the television.

On this raya eve, I wish I was having the best char-kuey-teow in the world (Kuala Pilah has it - trust me on this) and of course enjoying the kampung delicacies and raya cookies. I wish I was house-hopping between my aunties' houses, catching up with cousins and having sneak-previews of their children's baju raya. I wish we were enjoying the cool air cross-ventilating our wooden kampung house while we're chit-chatting, gossiping and laughing away.

It isn't the first time that we're celebrating raya away from home, but never have I experienced raya that is so void of its vibrant atmosphere. Thought we could at least celebrate the day with Dino's Arab and Lebanese classmates here, but unfortunately they really do not care much about Eid. For them it is not a time to celebrate but a time when they feel sad that Ramadhan is over.

So, here we are on raya eve watching Desperate Housewives (in French!) and tomorrow is going to be like any normal Saturday except for the phone calls we'll be making in the morning to our families. And to you friends, we wish you Selamat Hari Raya and enjoy this sacred time with your families - as it is precious...

* The photo is from last Hari Raya of cousin's children in our heritage kampung house

25 spontaneous questions - tagged by mummy-o

2007-10-02T03:34:00.001-05:00

1. What do you want for your birthday?
A nice wallet

2. Who will be your next kiss?
Imran when he wakes up from his nap!

3. When was the last time you went to the mall?
About 2 weeks ago to Carrefour

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
No

5. How did you spend your summer?
With beloved family and friends in Malaysia and Perth

6. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No. The last I went to was The Simpsons

7. What was the last thing you had drink?
Water

8. What are you wearing right now?
An orange long skirt with black 'singlet'

9. What was your last purchase?
Groceries. Does it count?

10.What was the last food you ate?
Baguette with hummus and cherry tomatoes (my usual lunch)

11. Who would be the person you would call if you were up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep?
Someone in a different country with a decent time to call!

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No - I've been quite good lately *wink*

13. Do you have a pet?
No - I just can't be bothered

14. What made you laugh in the last 5 days?
About how silly we were wasting our time watching a stupid movie last night! (Mullholand drive - it's so weird to the point of being funny!)

15. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
I'm pretty happy where I am right now, but otherwise Pangkor Laut would be just fantastic!

16. What is the last thing you purchased online?
Maternity wear - when I was pregnant of course..

17. One thing you hate about yourself?
That I'm too sensitive.. and emotional!

18. What's your favorite soup?
Wild mushroom soup

19. Do you miss anyone?
I miss my family terribly

20. What are your plans for the day?
Wait for Imran to wake up, take him to the playroom at INSEAD while I learn how to do massage (for darling hubby)!

21. Last person you SMS-ed?
My brother

22. Ever went to camp?
Of course - it's great fun!

23. Were you a good student in school?
Well, I'd say above average *another wink*

24. What do you know about the (your) future?
Not much. It's an unknown destination really..

25. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel

And now, I shall not tag anyone as I think everyone has been tagged already!

wondering where life is taking us next

2007-10-01T14:17:00.000-05:00

This is what's been going through our minds lately. This year has been flying so fast. It feels like yesterday when we were so eager about coming to France and to INSEAD, and now it is almost over. We now have to think where we want to be next year.

The idea of going somewhere else to work for a few years sounds really exciting. Exploring a new place, making new friends, experiencing a different lifestyle all sends a kind of adrenaline rush that is probably best to experience now while we're still 'young'. Well I guess that's all relative, but surely it is best to do now before Imran starts going to school. In addition, working overseas might also add a bit of 'weight' on the CV.

OK, if that's the case - then where? London? Australia? Dubai? Hong Kong?

On the other hand, what about going back home to Malaysia? We can start settling down - get a house that we can call our own and start building our life. There's family support, the comfort of old friends you literally grew up with, cheap services (maids, babysitting, spa, manicure, restaurants, the list goes on), and of course let's not deny the yummy food!

Or what if we decide to settle in Australia? That does not seem like a bad plan at all. It's close to the comforts of home, the lifestyle is healthy and the weather is just perfect.

And then, there's the question of what am I going to do? Do I really want to go back to work and if I do, does being in London or Australia mean that I can be home by 5 or even work part-time so I have enough time with my baby boy?

All these questions that create such a dilemma - for us to decide on which jobs Dino should apply for. But for now, let's just see where the ride is taking us. Whatever it is, it will be for the best of our future. Well, hopefully anyway.

people-watching

2007-09-24T14:49:00.000-05:00

It's true that the French are unique.

Sometimes you get so annoyed with their arrogance, but it is difficult to deny that these lot of people are very cultured. They are interested in other people's culture, colour, food, language and history. Their fine cuisine is undeniable with a wide range of palette consisting of spices from all over the world and fresh seasonal ingrediants. Their artistic superiority is obvious and their chic style is well known all over the world. Their languange is sexy, to say it bluntly, and their literature is rich.

Often you get frustrated with their inefficiency and relaxed attitude towards life. But, at times you can't help but admire them for cherishing life every single day. All the shops are closed for at least a two hour lunch break because they can't accept lunch that is less than a 3-course meal and without wine and coffee! When you walk at the park, you can't help but feel envious when you see a group of teenage friends frolicking on the grass, munching on berries, laughing, singing and dancing away with the tune that comes out of their lap top. When you see a couple of elderly women who look like good friends dressed so elegantly while walking their dogs and probably talking about everyday mundane things, you think to yourself that this is how you would like to grow old. Then, you see a group of young mothers comparing notes on parenthood while their children having a time of their life running around the park, and you think what a healthy society this is!

On the weekends and especially when the weather is good, their favourite pastime would be to have an all-day lunch or coffee in the evenings, while watching people pass by. I mean, I know that in many places we do it too - but somehow we're not as confident as the French as to line-up the chairs and tables in this manner so you can just enjoy people-watching!

life in france - part 2

2007-09-14T07:02:00.001-05:00

We've settled back in Fontainebleau after the summer holidays, but this time our life feels very different than the first half of the year.

Firstly, Imran is at a completely different stage than he was before - much stronger, sociable and eating almost anything! He is enjoying the playroom at INSEAD like he never did before - getting into the walkers, crawling into the tunnels and tents, pushing the tricycles and (unfortunately) 'ransacking' all the toys from the shelves. He relates to people much better too. So, I can stop make-believing that he has friends here because he really does now!

Then, it's the new house - I just love it. This view from our bedroom of our courtyard entrance and the neighbour's gorgeous garden creeping up the wall is just heaven for me. The neighbourhood is typically French with tiny streets and neighbours in such close proximity. I've always walked into these streets before, peeping into their windows and wondering to myself how it feels like to be on the other side of the window. And here I am, cooking Imran's food every morning while he's playing in the kitchen and watching people pass by with their dogs and children. We greet each other and they can tell exactly what Imran is having for lunch as I'm chopping and cooking away on the kitchen stove! How strange and interesting it is to be in your private world in such close contact to the public domain.

Lastly, I have now started to drive around. We changed our leased car to an automatic one, so it is not so daunting for me to be driving on the other side of the road. I feel much more mobile now compared to before, which is just great!

a very difficult goodbye

2007-09-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

It was one of the most difficult goodbyes I've had to do, when I left for France two days ago leaving my parents and family after spending two months of the summer holidays with them. I know very well that they are going to miss Imran and me tremendously, especially during this trying times of Mama going through chemo.

They will miss having Imran as the centre of attention at the dining table when we have breakfast together. Imran too will miss having his Dada feed him his biscuit in the morning, his Dadi's very interesting 'toys' dug out from the kitchen cabinets, his Tita Theresa talking to him in Tagalog and his Aunty Nelly playing hide and seek with him in the evenings. He will miss the sounds of the ice-cream van, the motorcycle horn of the bread man and kids playing around the neighbourhood. He will miss the house, his room and definitely his 'jungle gym' where he plays at every day!

But, as they keep reminding me - life has to go on. And the longer I stay, the harder it will get for all of us - which I guess is true.

The only thing that makes it a bit easier was to see the expression on Dino's and Imran's faces as they reunite. Sometimes in life, we just have to be strong, no matter how hard it may seem.

imran's first perth visit

2007-08-10T09:59:00.000-05:00

Our visit to Perth was very special this time as it was Imran's first time there - although he has been there while still in my tummy only 5 weeks before he came out!

The boy had a nice time exploring new spaces, meeting the Perth gang and bonding with his four uncles. He also enjoyed the farm in Mandurah - looking at cows, sheeps, alpaca and horses, and also accompanying us orange and lemon picking!

It was as always lovely to be at the farm - a place where I feel so peaceful in, where I often pause and reflect. This time as I sat on the grass under the blazing Australian sun amidst the crispy cold air, I was thinking and praying for Mama. I look forward for our two families to be here again... hopefully some time soon in the future.

It was great catching up with friends, although we wished we had more time. But then again, it will never be enough, so let's just be thankful for the time that we had!

tagged by maryam aka wegra

2007-07-27T23:58:00.000-05:00

1) A person is only as good as they mean

2) Friendship is to be cherished

3) To love is to give one's self

4) Money makes me nervous

5) I miss my childhood, when things were so simple and uncomplicated

6) My way of saying I care is by touching (i'm very tactile!)

7) I try to spread love and happiness by caring about others

8) Pick the flowers when they’re in full bloom

9) To love someone is to stick through thick and thin

10) Beauty is from the 'inside'

11) When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was being away for the first time from my family

12) When i was twenty one, what I remember the most was being hopelessly in love

13) I am most happy when with my family

14) Nothing makes me happier than having a meaningful conversation and a good laugh with family or close friends

15) If I can change one thing, I will change the world! ok, let's not be too ambitious - may be the country!

16) If smiles were gold then I'll be pretty rich

17) Wouldn't it be nice if I have a home that I can call my own

18) If you want to French me, I say "pardon, je ne parle pas francais!"

19) Money is not everything but too many people don't realise that

20) The most touching moments I have experienced is the first few moments of being a mother

21) I smile when I'm happy

22) When I am happy, I can't stop smiling!

23) If only I don't have to pretend sometimes

24) The best thing I did yesterday was taking Imran for a stroll along the street where I grew up in and dropping-by a neighbour's house to catch up on the lost years

25) If I ever write a book, I will give it this title - ? (wouldn't it depend on what it's about?)

26) One thing I must do before I die is go to places I want to and haven't had the chance to go to

27) Doing the meme, I feel like I’ve known myself better!

it's nice to be home

2007-07-27T06:30:00.000-05:00

I have been back in KL for almost 3 weeks now and it hardly feels like it. Imran took about 6 days to fully recover from the jet-lag and we have been spending a lot of time with family, giving Mama the support and company that she needs and also catching up with Dino's side of the family.

Imran has adapted well to the life and weather here. In fact he is definitely going to miss having lots of people around when we eventually get back to France. He has also developed a lot since we got back in terms of mobility (he is climbing anything he can reach to stand up and also is doing cross-pattern crawling at last!), vocally (his official first word is Mama, although Dino insists it's actually 'mamam' - he's a big eater remember?) mentally (he's constantly checking out his new surroundings) and emotionally (he 'flappers' with happiness when he sees us coming back from an outing)

Life here with a baby is completely different than in France. I miss having the endless green parks and clean air to take Imran for a stroll. But it has been such a luxury having 'free baby-sitting services' at home! I can now just run somewhere quickly without having to drag him along everywhere. I have managed to go to the spa and do lunches without him, which was strange and difficult initially, as before I have only left him when he is asleep.

Overall, the holiday has been pleasant. We're off to Perth next week and as Dino has already left for Sydney first, I am slightly nervous to travel with Imran alone! With him being so active, it's going to be hard work for sure..

au revoir rue du coq gris

2007-07-04T01:08:00.000-05:00

All things packed and moved to our new house, it is strangely sad to leave this place. Although it will be a relief not having to climb the three flights of stairs anymore, I will miss this cozy loft we've been living in the last six months. And although we will no longer have to bear with the noise from the pubs downstairs at nights, I have really enjoyed being in the center of town and being able to run downstairs to the shops.

No matter what, 4 Rue du Coq Gris will always be special for us, as it is the first home that we have lived together as a family - just us - which is bliss. It is where Imran learnt how to be mobile - from playing in his baby gym in the corner of the house to rolling around in the living area to crawling all the way to the kitchen to check what his Mama is up to! It is where we hosted the many dinner parties where we got to know our friends better, showcased our traditional cuisine and had many interesting conversations.

Well, I hope there will be more to come in the new house with an even bigger area for Imran to explore and bigger groups of friends to be comfortable in. For now, it is only two more nights before we get home - can't wait!

imran update

2007-06-27T07:14:00.000-05:00

My little boy suddenly feels not so little anymore. I guess he is already coming to 8 months - how time flies! He is now in his exploration mode - wanting to explore all the corners of the house, all the different things around him and sometimes the new faces we meet when we go out.

He is not quite crawling yet, but is 'creeping' very fast especially when the target is the lap top, remote control, handphone, shoes (I suspect he might have a shoe-fetish.. ), and of course his security blanket. He enjoys his food and sometimes shows his impatience if the food comes late by stomping his feet on the high chair. Not very polite I know, but he really looks like a big boy when he does that. His first two teeth are appearing from his lower gums too - pretty exciting!

And his latest milestone achieved is sleeping from 7 to 7! Yay! This has only happened for about 3 nights now and the funny thing is that I have not been able to sleep so well, as I subconsciously wait for him to wake-up for a feed. Well, may be it is also because my mind is so busy thinking about things at home - obviously. But anyway, the fact that he is sleeping through the night feels like a huge step - he is not so baby anymore!

i'm only physically here

2007-06-23T16:02:00.001-05:00

Mentally, I am already at home with my family. I find myself constantly thinking about home - about mum's whereabouts, who is coming to visit her at home, the conversations they're having, what she is having for her meals, and most importantly how she is feeling - by the hour this is!

She is much better now and positive in spirit. The brave woman that she is, she's not scared to go through the chemo, which is a good start. The only thing that brings her down from time to time is the thought of it coming back later. The experts are saying that because it is early stage, there's 98% chance that it will be cured completely.

But of course one can't help but to worry about the 2%. But I tell her that the 2% is probably the same probability as one of us getting hit by a car anyway. So, sometimes in life, we have to just stop worrying about the things that are out of our control. We should only worry about the things that are within our control and try all we can to make the best of them. This was the advice of a good friend whom I spoke to recently. Good advice, I think about it all the time - so thanks dear.

For now, I just can't wait to be back to be with my family. We need each other, more than ever. Will arrive in KL on the 7th July for the summer break. Initially we were suposed to leave on the 12th to fit in a road trip to Germany and Switzerland, but now who cares about the trip? As my heart is already at home.

terrible news from home

2007-06-20T13:52:00.000-05:00

This past week has been such a difficult time for me and my family, having found out that my mum has cancer of the breast. I know this may appear shocking for most of you readers, especially those close to me - but trust me, we are all still trying to absorb the news ourselves.

It is thankfully, early stage cancer. It hasn't spread to the rest of the breast, but unfortunately we found out today that it has gone to some of the lymph nodes, which means that she would still need chemotherapy.

I am feeling so helpless here, not being able to be with her and the rest of the family during this difficult time, but am just counting the days to be back - to give mum a big hug and to reassure her that everything will be alright.

It's going to be a tough few months ahead, but I am determined to be strong, for her.

weekend at the loire

2007-06-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Since Dino had the last weekend free of any group meetings and INSEAD activities, we quickly decided to take a drive down south to the picturesque Loire Valley - known for its many magnificent chateaux.

We first stopped at the 16th century Chateau de Chambord which not only is very grand in terms of scale, but is also architecturally very impressive. Its main feature is a double-turn spiral staircase, by which people can ascend and descend simultaneously without meeting each other. How cool is that? Even as an architect, it took me a while to undertand how it works! Pretty amazing, it is believed to be designed by Leonardo da Vinci.

We then drove further for about 20 minutes to get to a Michelin-star restaurant for a very impressive lunch. Then, half hour more drive to a chateau-turned-hotel to check-in and relax before dinner. Lovely place and not even that expensive, the three of us spent some really relaxing and quality time together.

The next day, we went to visit the Chateau de Chenonceau, which was mainly done by the several powerful women in French history - Catherine de Medici and Henry II's mistress Diane de Poitiers among others. So one could easily see the feminine quality of the chateau. Probably my favourite chateau so far, it is lush and is built over the Cher river. Its interior is very well maintained too. I loved the kitchen - the size of it is like a modern day's house with several rooms (i.e butcher area, pastry area, rotisserie area, servants' dining room, serving area etc)

From there, we drove back and in the car, Dino and I were just thinking about how lucky we are to be able to see all these various parts of France that is not only historical, but also very authentic. Hopefully there'll be more to come, as it's a shame otherwise since we're here for the year!

a very special birthday

2007-06-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

My first birthday as a mother turned out to be a very special one. Starting from the 26th May with the INSEAD Summer Ball at the Chateau de Fontainebleau - it could not have been a better start to an unforgetable birthday celebration! We went to London the next day to meet up with my family who had just arrived from Malaysia that morning (minus Ashed who couldn't miss classes).

We went to our friends' house that night for a reunion with my ex-colleagues who have all now moved to work or study in London. My parents were more than happy to babysit their grandson, so it was quite nice for both of us to be completely mobile like how we were before baby-life! It was fantastic to see our friends and to catch up on each other's progress since we left TRHY - and what better setting than at their trendy London apartment!

Next day which was my birthday was spent shopping. I do love the shopping in London, but mostly window shopping I must say! The weather wasn't great, but all I cared about was to spend time with my family and especially to see them bonding with Imran - just seeing that made me feel so happy beyond words.

We then spent one more day in London and two days in Paris, before coming back to Fontainebleau. It was just lovely having the family here, although only for 3 days. If I was greedy, I would have asked for more!

This morning after they left, I realised that nothing means to me more than my family. It felt as if the house was filled with sadness today, but I had to force myself to be cheerful for the little one. I'm sure he feels their absence too. Dino was quite sweet knowing very well that his hopeless wife would be homesick - he actually came back for lunch, which is rather unusual..

After putting Imran to sleep tonight, I checked my email and blog and received all your thoughtful birthday wishes. And I couldn't help but reflect what a special birthday it has been for me! So, thank you. Here's to a blissful year ahead - hopefully.

* The baby Nelly is carrying in the photo is not hers! I thought I'd better keep the record straight for her sake :)

imran and sarah

2007-05-15T01:39:00.000-05:00

It was a special time to have had Zeti, Mode and Sarah here. I have known them two for a long time and have gone through thick and thin with them, so it was really nice to spend some quality time together.

What was more special was to watch the 'friendship' built between Sarah and my little Imran! Sarah is always looking for ideas to entertain him. Proven from this photo is her (and Mode too of course!) excitingly introducing her favourite Teletubbies clip from Mode's phone. When Imran gets a bit cranky and cries, Sarah would look for his muslin and give it to him - and with open arms, Imran would grab his security blanket! She would also give him toys and we have also caught her giving Imran her bottle of water (in case if he's thirsty she might think!) She is so sweet and as a friend from INSEAD spoke of her - "she is too cute!"

These past few days, I find myself imitating Sarah "niniyama niniyama" (don't ask me what it means!) Dino thinks I'm losing my mind, but I just miss her!

Imran in the mean time is adjusting to being alone again, after 4 weeks of having guests at the house. I am making more noise and keeping him busy so that he doesn't feel it too much!

He is also getting into the rythm of having solid foods. Today is the first day that he would have 3 meals a day, as I have given him breakfast for the first time this morning (Gosh, it's so much more work once they are on food!) He loves sweet potato and dislikes apples (much like his Mama!) I have been trying to make him like the apples, but he just refuses and look the other way - leaving me amazed evey time of how much he has grown into a mind of his own!

back from the break

2007-05-09T02:44:00.000-05:00

With INSEAD having 5 terms in a year, we are blessed to have breaks in between the terms to explore our world around a little bit! Dino's parents were here too, so we decided to take a drive to Belgium and Amsterdam with them. It was quite nice to do a road trip with only about 3 hours for every stretch : Fonty - Brussels - Amsterdam - Brugge - Fonty. It was great and it's nice to see everybody having a good time - especially the grandparents bonding and doting on their grandson! The little boy, by the way, behaved very well and slept every night in his stroller so we could have nice dinners after a long day of touring around. What a bliss!

Brussels was nice - nothing too fancy, but very real.. and excellent food too! And you could see that the people are happy there somehow. Amsterdam was so pretty, especially when viewed from the boat. While having dinner on the boat, I soon realised that I was dreaming of living in this city that is so elegant. The 'house' (as seen from the photo) is all about its narrow and tall facade, which gives such a mystery about the life behind it. It's also so interesting that all these individual lots have got different floor levels from each other. With bridges criss-crossing the narrow canals, and bycycle being the main mode of transportation - I really wouldn't mind living here for a while!

On the way back, we stopped in Brugge for one night. The whole place is a heritage city and is so quaint and full of character. It really felt like we were being transported into the middle ages. Lovely boutique hotels, art galleries and antique shops make the place even more attractive to me!

It has been busy upon returning back to Fonty - with my in-laws leaving back for home and us receiving Zeti, Mode and Sarah on the same day! So we have been playing host and Imran is enjoying having Kakak Sarah kissing him every few minutes - but then again, who wouldn't!

imran rolled over!

2007-04-17T03:26:00.000-05:00

Since dear Elynor asked how Baby Imran is doing, I thought it's about time that I 'report' about his progress!

And what perfect timing, as he has just rolled-over a few days back! He has rolled over from back to front before, but it was the first time he did it from front to back (that is without Dino giving him a slight push!) It was quite a thrill as all of a sudden I feel that my baby is mobile! I now can't leave him alone on the bed or worse still on his changing table.

I can really feel that he's grown up a lot thist past week. He's very sociable and loves playing peek-a-boo! He loves going out for walks and observe everything around him. He loves his books... but not so much to read, but to bite on! He is becoming much like Lynes, being very attached to his muslin as his security blanket (thank god I have 12 of them, so I can wash and rotate them around!)

Am yet to introduce solids to his diet, as he seems perfectly happy and healthy (if not chubby!) with breast milk alone. But I'm planning to do that soon, as he is turning 6 months in about 2 weeks.

The highlight of his day is when his Papa comes back from school. The smile on his face just melt our hearts!

return of the 80s

2007-04-14T05:33:00.000-05:00

In addition to Nina's list of the 80s style:

- blue eyeshadow
- colourful plastic accesorries
- oversized sporty sweatshirt
- rod stewart (for the older generation i suppose..)
- fake moles
- metallic
- KISS (in the background of this photo.. but i guess we were more into NKOTB)

What I thought was really worrying, is the fact that I didn't have to buy anything to go to the party! Hmm.. time to update the wardrobe looks like..

tartelle framboise

2007-03-30T16:08:00.000-05:00

Halfway through enjoying this favourite indulgence of mine (well one of my favourites anyway..), I thought to myself - this is so good that it needs to be documented!

The fresh raspberries, yummy custard and incredible pastry (with a cup of coffee of course) adds up to be the most perfect combination. What makes it even more special is that the pastry smells of Nestum, which is something so close to my heart! (I just love Nestum and I can't wait for Imran to be ready for it so I can share it with him..)

Our flat is just a few doors away from one of the best patisseries in town - and as a result, I have not been very good with my plan to get back to shape. Everytime I pass by the shop, I have to refrain myself from buying all the yummy french pastries - almond croissant, cafe eclair, strawberry baignet, pain au chocolat... the list goes on. And my mouth waters just by typing them down!

I just don't understand how is it that the French - girls and guys, keep their figures so slim. Hmm.. may be these things are not fattening afterall. OK, I'm make-believing!

on parenting

2007-03-20T16:40:00.000-05:00

Although Imran is now feeding every 4-hours and has a routine throughout the day, he is still (most of the time) not able to put himself to sleep. How can I expect him to, if all this while, I either breastfeed or rock him to sleep?

Envious of friends (other partners of INSEAD students with babies) who manage to just put their babies down to self-settle, I tried to train Imran to sleep on his own using the 'cry it out' method. I don't know how people do it, but it wasn't even 10 minutes of listening and leaving him to cry, that I found myself crying so emotionally before picking him up and promising him not to do it ever again!
I keep asking myself, why is it that (unlike the other babies), he is so dependant on the rocking and the swinging, the lullabies, the patting - and realised that a lot of it is cultural.

In our culture, babies are hardly left alone. From the day they are born, they are constantly in the arms of people, of grandparents soothing them with movements that put them to sleep. The minute they cry, you as first time parents are led by more experienced people to believe that the baby is hungry, and to put him on the breast. How else would you expect him not to be addicted to the oh-so-comforting 'thing'?

Is the western way of putting a baby on a routine from the day they are born - selfish, practical or logical?

I say logical.

Afterall the grandparents are not here to pick them up at 4 am in the morning, and spend an hour rocking them to sleep, are they?

Needless to say, of course the close contact practised by our culture is good to enhance the bonding between parents and baby. But, bonding with well-rested parents, rather than grumpy ones, sure is healthier!

Now, how do I teach him to self-settle? Any ideas?

tagged by nina

2007-03-16T12:55:00.000-05:00

As I have just managed to read other blogs by friends, I realised that I was tagged by Nina - quite a while ago, but I guess better late than never! So here goes:

6 weird things about me:

1. I despise plastic bags - I can't bear the sight of them lying around the house (especially those black ones you get when you buy fake dvds) I guess it just makes the house looks 'unsorted'. I much prefer paper bags (in fact I never throw these, I keep them as if I collect them..)

2. With any documents or graphic material, I am completely anal with the font and its size, spacing, justification, colour etc.

3. At the end of every day, I indulge in a dessert (it can be coffee eclair, chocolates, ice-cream, tarts or anything yummy and sinful, usually with a cup of coffee) just before going to bed. And what's weird is this 'ritual' takes place AFTER shower and brushing teeth.

4. When I go shopping, the minute I arrive at the shopping place, I will need the toilet (for a No.2!) My sister's theory is that shopping excites me so much, that something happens in my body system... and I think she might be right!

5. I look at things in picture frames. So I am always fiddling with objects in front of my eyes to compose them in a certain manner. I don't like things to be too symetrical or in a line, as if it's staged, so I am always offsetting things to make it more casual and homely.

6. I wash my hair just before going to bed. I love sleeping with my hair wet, it de-stresses me! Oh, and I also NEVER comb my hair. I don't ever remember owning a comb!

barcelona

2007-03-15T06:09:00.000-05:00

We had our first holiday with Imran in Barcelona. Dino had a football tournament with other business schools, so it was perfect as I have always wanted to visit the city. Although I knew I would like Barcelona, I didn't realise I was going to love it - I think I could live there!

Layers of art and architecture of the different eras make it such an exciting place to be in! The intimate scale of the medieval Barri Gothic felt just like Venice. The 'modernista' heritage namely the Gaudi buildings (such as this one in the photo) and Picasso artworks create such a mystery behind these extra-ordinary characters. The contemporary designs seen in their countless tapas bars and restaurants, hotels, hair salons, urban parks, furniture and light fittings gave such a breath of fresh air.

I was amazed that the siesta system is still very much intact. They don't have dinners before 10 pm! It was rather strange to see groups of old men coming into restaurants at 11 pm and looking so fresh, as if the night had just started.

The weather was beautiful too - it was great not having to wear winter jackets for 4 days! I couldn't believe that people were already on the beach on Sunday - it was such a great atmosphere.

In short, I found the Barcelonins quite inspiring - their appreciation for the arts, their rich economy (compared to the rest of Spain) and the best part of all - they really know how to live life!

Imran behaved well during the trip. Thanks to his new routine (yes, it did work!), it was so much easier to plan the days with his feeds and naps at certain times. It was also such a relief that he could be in his stroller (most of the time anyway..) so his Mama and Papa could do some sightseeing and have some nice and quiet meals!

new routine?

2007-03-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

This refers to Imran's routine. I guess those of us who have babies (and not working!) will understand that your life pretty much revolves around your baby's routine. Well in my case, this is almost non-existant. He does sleep between 7 to 7, but wakes up about 3 times in the night, which is really a bit much for a 4 month old. He doesn't nap well either, which makes it quite difficult throughout the day as well.

When he was first born, I tried to put him on a routine from a book which worked wonders for a trusted friend and apparently many of her other friends. Unfortunately, I gave up very soon after reading from other sources that demand feeding is the only way to go, and to never watch the clock when feeding, but only watch your baby. So I fed him whenever he cried, and now am starting to worry that it is becoming completely unhealthy - both for me and also for him. He will always need the breasts to put himself to sleep!

Determined to face reality, I read that he should be feeding 4-hourly (he SNACKS about 2-hourly!) So, I decided to be brave and fix his routine. On our second day now, and so far the feeds have been every 4 hours, but his sleeps have gone hay-wire.

To be honest, I am not too confident if it'll be a success, but will keep trying as much as I can!

'the thinker' revisited

2007-02-27T15:54:00.000-05:00

I guess the title says it all - Look at Imran right after he was born!

I have to admit though, that he doesn't do this pose too much lately as he sleeps mostly on his tummy. But he is still most comfortable when his hand touches some part of his face, and this is just like my dad! What's amazing is that he had this pose even when he was still in my tummy - seen in the ultarsound. Well, hopefully he will live up to this nickname of his!

dada and dadi

2007-02-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

My parents have just left yesterday. It was really lovely that Imran could spend some time with his Dada and Dadi and Mum's cooking for the whole week was pretty awesome!

We spent most of the time in Fonty, although we managed to take them to one of my favourite places in Paris - Musee Rodin and just strolling around the city. As Imran is nicknamed
'The Thinker' because of his habit of placing his hands on his cheeks when he sleeps, it was only appropriate that we bring him to visit the real sculpture by Rodin - as seen in the background of this photo!

As expected, it was hard to say goodbye knowing that they will be missing their little prince all over again. But thanks to skype, the world has really become so small that they are able to communicate with him on the monitor - of course it's not the same not being able to touch and cuddle him, but I guess it's better than nothing!

rio carnival in fonty

2007-02-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

Before the Rio Carnival has taken place in Brazil, it already has in Fontainebleau.. by the INSEAD students! These lot of people love to party and I guess we don't want to be missing out. There are parties every week with crazy themes, and the best part is that the people are always putting the effort to dress up and participate, ending up with loads of fun everytime!

It was the second time that we have left Imran with the babysitter who came to our home (to watch him sleep..) so that his Mama and Papa can have a bit of fun for a few hours. I was surprised that I was calm the first time we left him, thinking that I was going to call the sitter every 10 minutes! I guess I will have to do it sooner or later, and it's better now than later for the both of us. And I'm sure he would understand as it is, really, part of the MBA networking that we have to do!

So, guess which one I am in this photo? I suppose it wouldn't take a genius to figure that out..

the boy in baby dior..

2007-02-09T05:22:00.000-05:00

Isn't he adorable?

By the way, the top is a gift from a friend. With both of us not earning, there's no way we can afford something like that!

Will send more photos once we get around taking some..

bonjour!

2007-02-08T08:42:00.000-05:00

Greetings from France at last! I have been busy settling into our new home, new routine and new life in Fontainebleau. It is really lovely here, just like what I imagined, but more. It's a quaint little country town, but I guess just by being French, it is very classy with nice little shops and cafes.

Our home is so tiny that when I first arrived, I thought we were in a cubby house! But after a while, it grows into you and it is really quite cozy. It is actually an apartment unit in the roof of a very old building, so with ceilings going in all different angles, it is architecturally interesting. Of course the beams are all in old and rugged solid wood, possibly from the famous forests of Fontainebleau, which makes it extra special. Lots of steps to get up to where we are (especially with Imran in my arms!), but to think positively, perhaps it is a good way to shed away all these pregnancy fat!

Overall it is like living our dreams for both Dino and I. He is having a great time pursuing his MBA dream, with inspiring lectures and classmates from all over the world. Whereas for me, living in an old French town, with beautiful buildings and art surrounding it, winery and lots of cheese is just great! Imran is picking up French slowly (just kidding.. he is growing so fast, but not that fast!) He is enjoying the cold and being adored by the locals on the streets. They think he is so exotic, and is amused by his jet black hair...

Shall write again soon, whenever I have the time between feeding Imran, putting him to sleep, playing with him, cooking, cleaning-up and doing laundry! Life without a maid is not impossible afterall (not wanting to sound snobbish, but face it - we Malaysians are all spoilt with maids or help from our parents!)

home sweet home

2007-01-08T04:04:00.000-05:00

As Dino has left for Fonty (short for Fontainebleau), I decided to spend some time with my parents before leaving for France. And home sweet home - no matter if it is less comfortable than where I was staying, there is simply no other place like 'home'.

It is the place where I grew up in since I was born. Its scale, smell, sound of the surrounding and simply its spirit gives me a sense of security and emotional comfort like nowhere else in the world.

Two more nights and we'll be off. Looking forward to see the hubby and for the change of scene. Not looking forward to see my parents having to say goodbye to their baby grandson after enjoying him for a week in their home. They have now started to count how many Sundays before they get to see him again in late February!

2007

2006-12-31T12:56:00.000-05:00

It's 2 am on the first day of the new year, and it feels pretty strange to be in front of the computer at this time! As we would usually be partying the night to welcome the new year, this time really felt like we've embarked on to the next phase of life. Next phase of being.. not old - but let's just say real-adults! And guess what we did to celebrate the new year?

Yes, believe it or not - as proven from this photo, we were doing the poco-poco! What can be more 'adult' than that? I have always wondered what this new fad was all about (among the oldies), and now that we were celebrating the new year with our parents, uncles, aunties and under-age cousins who are too young to party - we had no choice but to follow the itinery of the night, which included the poco-poco line dance. And it is actually quite fun.. and addicting too (Ouch.. that's scary!)

As our mothers (Dino's and mine) went to the same school, it was great to see them excitingly go down memory lane talking about the dance lessons they used to have in school. It was quite cute to see them dancing and being young again! And it was lovely to see the two sets of grandparents doting over their new first grandchild. Imran fell asleep on his Tok Mama's shoulder while she was jiving!

But, no matter how 'old' and daunting tonight have felt, I am so excited about 2007. More than ever, I feel so ready for the next phase - so bring it on!

mixed feelings

2006-12-19T05:29:00.000-05:00

I have been avoiding the thought of leaving home for France, in fear of feeling sad. Call me a baby, but I notice the older I get, the more homesick I become whenever I am away!

I guess it would be easier if we were going in spring or even summer, but as it's going to be freezing when we arrive, it's not going to be so cheerful. I dislike winter and the grey sky, layers of thick winter clothings and heavy boots, the lack of sunshine, the dry air caused by the electric heater, the fact that you're always hungry!

Then I realised what a pessimist I have been, and reminded myself to be a bit more positive about it all. This is afterall our dream - I mean how exciting is it to live in France for a while! I've always loved Paris and the richness of art and culture surrounding it, the 'chic' lifestyle and fashion, the language, the pattiserie and cafes by the streets, the yummy crepes! I can't wait to visit the museums again without having to rush like you do when you go for holidays. I look forward to be alone with my new family. I think it is so ideal to bring up Imran in a quiet country town like Fountaineableau in his first year, so we can take it easy and enjoy his growing milestones.

So, as I'm rambling away on my mixed feelings about going to France, I realise that it's going to be great, so long that I keep a positive mindset! Now it's time start packing.. let's just treat it like a long holiday. Afterall it is only one year, it really isn't that long at all..

life's next chapter

2006-12-14T03:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the third year of our wedding anniversary and what a special one it was - with Baby Imran around this time. I look at him and see all the love, hopes and dreams that Dino and I share since we've been together. What a joy he has brought us...the best anniversary gift ever!

Although we didn't manage to go out for a nice dinner like we usually do, the three of us spending some alone time to cherish this special moment was better than any fancy dine out.

It was a time to pause from the overwhelming role of being a new mother, and to reflect on this special relationship that has brought our bundle of joy.

To the hubby - thanks for these three joyful years of marriage and may there be many many more to come. Although it's not always a bed of roses, I thank you for your patience and maturity, and simply for being the wondeful person you are. I love you more than words can say. XOX

pantang

2006-11-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

Today was the last day of my 'urut' session. Although it felt like a luxury having someone coming to your home to do massage and other traditional treatment on your body for two and a half hours every morning, I am secretly glad that it's over!

For one thing, I won't have to chit-chat with the 'makcik urut' anymore. (I really think there is nothing worse than a chit-chatting masseuse, when all you want to do is relax and be pampered!) Also, I won't have to worry about my hungry baby at the 2 hour mark every morning.

More than the above though, I am glad not to be having to wear the 'barut' (basically a corset that is tied to your body to bring back your waistline) anymore, made especially uncomfortable with the application of 'kapur' and 'limau' (chalk and lime) on your tummy area to make the area hot in order to promote the fat burning process (theoretically speaking that is. Don't ask me if i believe it works!)

Then there is the 'tungku' process which is basically a hot stone treatment. Again, this is to apply heat in order to burn all the fat which has been accumulated in the last 9 months. This actually feels really nice, made especially exotic with the aroma of 'daun mengkudu' that wraps the stone.

Although I find all these 'pantang' tradition very interesting, I won't be able to judge if it works - since I did not follow it religiously. I shower and take-off the 'barut' after a maximum period of 4 hours, I do not 'pantang' with my food and i go down the stairs and sit outside sometimes for fresh air. Erm... in fact I have actually been out to the shops! Now, I guess I will just have to find other means to lose all these extra weight.. 5 kg to lose - wish me luck!

Nik Imran

2006-11-11T05:37:00.000-05:00

nik imran
29 OCTOBER 2006 - 4.11 PM - 3.13 KG - 52 CM

After keeping a long silence from my blog (reason: pure laziness), I thought this might be the perfect time for me to start writing again.. although I'm not sure how serious I'll be this time, especially when baby Imran starts to keep me busy.

At the moment, he pretty much sleeps for about 22 hours a day. And this combined with me having to stay at home for a supposedly 42 days since his birth (which already I'm feeling is impossible), led me to decide to start blogging again.

So here I am, proudly announcing the birth of our first child. The pregnancy was quite easy and the delivery too was very smooth, so let's just hope parenthood would not be too harsh on us!

Baby Imran is 2 weeks old tomorrow and I can already see he's filling up (with fat of course). He hates bathing and changing, loves to scratch his face with his long nails, hates to wear mittens or worse still being swaddled, looks very much like his papa, feeds well, and in our eyes - the cutest baby on the planet!

Dino and I would like to thank those who sent their well wishes and gifts. It means a lot to the both of us.

tagged by elynor

2006-05-10T08:28:00.000-05:00

How many schools did you go to?
Four
1. SRK Taman Melawati 1 - I remember it as being very glamorous!
2. SR Sultan Sulaiman 1, K.Terengganu - Lots of fun, good place to grow up in..
3. Tunku Kurshiah College - Probably the place which moulded me into the person I am today..
4. Mara College Banting - (this is pre-U, does it count as a school?) Anyway, I often say it was the worst two years of my life! But this is not true - it was miserable most of the time, but fun in its own way!

Was I the studious nerd or the last minute hero?
Am never good at last minute - so I'll have to go with the studious option - but I won't take the nerd bit!

Was I the taiko or the teachers' pet?
I think I was both! Teacher's pet for teachers I liked and Taiko to the.. erm, discipline teachers...

Best 3 subjects...
Physics, Art, Math

3 teachers that I remember most (for various reasons)...
Pn Nor Aizah (SS1) - At 9 yrs old, I thought she was the sweetest person and I just wanted to be her!

Ustazah Habibah (TKC) - Used to lecture me for wearing pinafore to school (she called it 'gown' for some reason) Apparently it was bad role-modelling to the juniors. ??!

Mr. Mathias (MCB) - Probably the most famous in MCB's history - as the principle and a strict disciplinarian - so you get the idea. Zetty and I got called into his room almost every week!

I would like to tag:
Well I don't have a lot of blogging friends. So it has to be:
1. Dino
2. Shahriman
3. Izy!! (you blog don't you?)

japan at last

2006-04-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

At last I have now been to Japan. I have always been intrigued by their architecture and crafts, and also their unique character. And indeed it was just as I imagined it to be.

Kyoto was so pretty especially with the blooming of the pink cherry-blossoms everywhere. It really felt like we were in the movie set of Memoirs of a Geisha! I was quite thrilled that we even managed to see some geishas/ maikos on the posh and quaint restaurant streets in Kyoto. Staying in a ryokan (traditional japanese inn) with sliding paper walls, sleeping on the tatami mat and experiencing the typical japanese bath proved to intensify the whole old-Kyoto experience. It was lovely.

The best part though was to exerience the exact contrast of this traditional lifestyle with the ultra-modern Tokyo. The neon lights, extremely well-dressed but mostly crazily-dressed people, skyscrapers, rows of luxurious boutiques and train lines intersecting everywhere gave an adrenaline rush to the very cold days and nights in Tokyo. Well ahead of time architecture gave such an inspiration at a time when it is much needed.

Although the food was simply excellent (hubby had a blast eating and scouting for food and snacks), I was dying for a simple plate of Aglio Olio by the end of the trip.

It was such a nice trip - especially fun with four of our friends joining us from Perth, and extra special because of the extra person just starting to grow inside of me.... It might really be the last trip for us for a while, but it was just perfect...

* the photo of Tokyo skyline was taken from the 'Lost in Translation' bar where we saw Jon Bon Jovi!! What a thrill it was!

the constant gardener

2006-03-28T08:03:00.000-05:00

It's one of the best movies I've seen for a long time. Although at first, it seemed like the subject may be a bit too serious, it was one that is so real that it makes you think - and think hard.

The heavy drama takes you through a journey to Africa and depicts the hard life simply by putting a set of lens in front of it. Unlike many movies of this kind, it did not seem exaggerated, but simply displays the harsh truth of the life there.

The movie is raw, not atypical of a British movie. It makes you burnt with anger to see how people take advantage of the unfortunate nation and more so, how it is ignored or perhaps accepted all these years. At the same time, the love story behind it is so strong, it cuts your heart.

The acting was just superb - Rachel Weisz fully deserves the Oscar that she won for the movie, and Ralph Fiennes gave one of his most outstanding performances as the constant gardener.

I highly recommend it for people who's in the mood to watch something that is worthy of your 2.5 hours of time - you won't regret it!

father and son

2006-03-09T08:47:00.000-05:00

This photo was taken in front of the Jama Masjid at Fatehpur Sikri during our last trip to India. I caught a glance of this father and son sitting comfortably on a ledge of the beautiful 500-years mosque, enjoying a good lunch.

The father must be working in the mosque, and it is such a custom in India to have home-made lunches. The young children would bring these freshly cooked roti with dhal and some vegetables, packed neatly in a multiple layered metal 'tiffin' carrier to their father's workplaces. They would enjoy the meal together and spend some quality time with each other before the child brings the empty tiffin carrier home.

One could just see and feel the closeness between them, and this is a very essential element in Indian culture, even today.

I paused before the scene before reaching for my camera. Set against the grand historical mosque that is worn due to age and weather, but is undeniably charming because of it - it was a sight that touched my heart.

sweet memories

2006-03-04T21:41:00.000-05:00

I had a relaxing, nevertheless quite an accomplishing weekend. It started with a clearing the desk session, which consists of sorting-out of unread boring bank letters, bull-dozing of numerous god-knows-from-where-they-come-from pamphlets and useless receipts and keeping of all stationeries where they belong.

Then, right at the end of the desk, hidden in a corner, I stumbled on a paper-bag of old school photos, which I have been meaning to sort-out for months. I rummaged through them and soon found myself smiling thinking about the good-silly-old-days in boarding school.

Right from Form One when we introduced ourselves to all the seniors through performing in the traditional Freshie Concert; to Form Two when we have just adjusted to college life of chatting away on someone's bed for hours on a Sunday afternoon; to Form Three when we rallied together to paint backdrops, made props and sewed costumes for the English Drama that brought us closer together; to Form Four when we were just so thrilled to at last be considered a 'senior' - thus could watch tv at the lounge, put our books and elbows on the dining table, organised the House Party and being able to lecture the juniors (i know it was a bit cruel, but you have to understand that at times we really ran out of ideas on what to do on weekends!); and right through to being in Form Five when we were supposedly studying under the corridor lights after lights-off, but ended-up chit-chatting and gigling to the wee hours of the morning.

The thing that touched me the most from going through the photos was how the simplest things used to make us happy - strolling at the courtyard (for fellow TKCians - by this I mean the Square) before dinner, the thrill of hiding with your friends in your pitch-black dorm to escape from a boring talk at the surau, the occasional KFC lunches, a weekly family visit, the pranks we play on juniors.. and teachers on April's Fool, the film-shows on the weekends, the list goes on.

Although we were literally 'trapped' in the strict-ruled college from the outside world - the college grounds, its life, its people and its traditions became our own little world, and I think we loved it!

classic dilbert

2006-02-28T09:45:00.000-05:00

Yup, sad but true - so true that it actually happened to me about a month ago. Seriously - all of the above - for a project which we lost in Singapore. Let's not elaborate as I might get depressed again!

But, gosh.. since when did this become a known fact?
I never knew this before I took up architecture - or as dear hubby would call it : archi-torture!

sarah

2006-02-24T21:13:00.000-05:00

Introducing Sharifah Sarah - the precious baby of a friend. It's mesmerizing to see how small everything is of a baby - the fingers, the toes, the arms, the nose! It's incredible to see how this little 'thing' personafies the union between two souls. It's daunting to think that the values and character of this pure innocent thing will depend so much on you as parents. It's exhilirating to think of the joy she will provide you in your years ahead. It's touching to see how suddenly your friend changes to become a mother, and has this extension to her life. It makes me want to have a baby too! Hopefully some day..

p/s Thanks Shahriman for the photo!

fcc siem reap

2006-02-22T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have a new project at work which I think has the potential to be quite exciting. To start with, it's tiny and the site is very complex in context. The reason why it might be exciting if it's tiny is that I might actually see it get built! This is quite rare in my office as we work on mostly big projects and overseas most of the time.

The design brief for this project is a jungle theme, and this image comes to my mind. This was at FCC in Siem Reap which is an absolutely stunning hotel with great ambience. I highy recommend it to people who are interested to visit the Angkor Watt and many other amazing temples there.

This is just an example of how sensitive the architecture is on the site that is part of the city's parks. The buildings make way for trees and vegetation - literally.

a new idea..

2006-02-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

I have just realised that my blog is kind of boring.... and this is precisely the reason why it's been a secret blog that only my dear husband knows about! Also, I wasn't sure if I was going to be consistent with my writing or simply.. as the Malays say it "hangat-hangat tahi ayam"! But I think I have been better than expected, and in fact am quite enjoying blogging!

However, I do realise that I have to write more often, or people will be completely bored of my blog! So I came up with this *genius* idea of writing about a particular photo from our travels or whatever really, and hopefully can interact more with others (Yes - I'm starting to feel like I'm talking to myself...) Now, I just have to tell some friends about my blog. So far I have been too embarassed to 'publicise' it! So guys, please interact with me!! Cheers!

** turns out that this idea is not so 'genius' afterall, as I am starting to realise that a lot of other people are doing the same thing... :(

is this a bad sign?

2006-02-08T05:54:00.000-05:00

I have just lost two things.

Firstly, (I know this sounds really lame) but my brother's school trousers in Perth! Thinking of being a good sister, I washed, ironed and am pretty sure hung the trousers on one of the hangers with his school shirt on it. It is absolutely bizarre, but it's not there! And it's really expensive you see.. sigh..

And then even more sighs, last night at Nerovivo, suddenly I realised that one of my gold hoop earings was missing! More than the embarrassment of possibly stepping into the restaurant with only one earing, I was so upset as they were my favourite. And they're real gold! I knew I only deserved those fake ones - knowing how careless I can be sometimes. Traced back our steps and still couldn't find it...

Anyway, I guess it's silly to be so upset and stressed about these things when many others are losing more important things in life which perhaps can't even be replaced. What's making me worry though, is just that it feels like a bad sign. Well, touch wood. I really don't want to lose anything anymore at the moment!

perth summer 2006

2006-02-04T20:56:00.000-05:00

Been here for 5 days and leaving back for KL today - which is exciting to see my hubby whom I miss lots, but sad as this place brings me a lot of joy and happiness. Being away after living here for 5 years made me see clearly how life here is celebrated in a real sense - spending time with friends, enjoying the summer in the park, good wines, the beach. Even the fashion which I love reflects its summer spirit - the colours, patterns, light fabrics, summer dresses and of course lots of skin baring! It makes me realise how much I miss this place.

Relaxing on the swing on the balcony of the house, with the view of the lake and the backdrop of the city; flashed back so many sweet memories of hubby and I. I could see Kings Park with its majestic eucalyptus trees - and it brought back memories of how we were admiring each other quietly during one of the cultural show practices there! It was beautiful at night in winter and just so romantic. This park in front of the house witnessed the blooming of our relationship with many beautiful walks we had in summer, winter, spring, autumn. I could also see the Hartley Poynton building where he used to work and we would meet for lunch.

I miss all these lovely times we had and wish we'll have this quality of life again when we have kids. I miss this crisp air, the blue sky, the hot summer grass, the sun and the occasional cool summer breezes. I miss our friends and the things we do outdoors...

Now it is time to go, but the only thing that can make me feel alright is the fact that we will come back soon - it is afterall our second home..

back from india

2006-01-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

We have just returned from a trip to India. The idea was to take both mine and sis's other halves to meet our relatives and to show them the place where Papa grew up in. At the same time, some sight-seeing completed the holiday.

A visit to Gandhi Ashraam reminded me that simplicity of life is key, Louis Kahn's AIM buildings in Ahmedabad inspired me on how unfussy vernacular materials can create such a masterpiece of architecture, visits to Red Fort in Delhi, Fatehpur Sikri and many other sites reminded me of the rich history, culture and appreciation of the arts that create India, and of course the view of Taj Mahal reminded me of how beautiful love can be.

But most special of all - was how all the fond memories flash back when we visited our village, where we used to spend some of our school holidays at. The walks I used to have with my grandfather along the railway track while he taught me how to count in Gujrati, suddenly made me miss him so much. Spending time with my cousins (and their cute children!) reminded me of the closeness we had when we were little. It reminds me that no matter the cultural, languange and value differences we have between us, nothing can break us apart. Their simple thinking and strong family values made me ponder on how materialistic and individualistic our society has become.

We also had a surprise wedding reception thrown at us (i know - we've been married 2 years!) But it was a reception to greet our husbands into the family. It was exactly 2 years after my kampung wedding reception in Kuala Pilah, and now it is a reception at my other 'kampung.' Sis and I had the double-wedding which we've always thought we would have in the end! It was fun to wear the sari and all the accessories, and my lovely hubby looked like a true Bollywood star!

Finally, the shopping was just amazing. I loved all the beautiful fabrics, clothes, accessories, bags.... And the best part is just how cheap they are!

As we were coming back, I remembered what my parents always said about how important it is to go to India and other poorer countries from time to time, in order for you to have a more realistic perspective of life - and we came back with just that (plus lots of stuff that I shopped of course!)

a weekend filled with emotions

2005-12-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

As the title suggests, I had a rather eventful weekend. Friday dinner with friends at Nerovivo seemed to be a good way to start the weekend. But just as we were ordering dessert, I received an sms that one of our seniors from school passed away.

She has been battling from an auto-immune disease. It's strange how the demise of someone not even so close to me had affected me. I guess it is just the fact that she was so young and had a whole future in front of her. She was intelligent and special in her own way, and I have always had a lot of respect and admiration for her.

After dinner, we met with some school friends who were also affected by the news. We had farewell drinks for our couple friends who are leaving for the UK soon. It was sad for me to say goodbye to her as I know I won't be able to just pick-up the phone to complain about a bad day at work or even about anything at all! I know I will miss her lots. But looking on the bright side, it will be fun to spend time with them in London when we get there some time.

Last night, we attended a wedding reception of one of our closest friends from university - in fact my ex-housemate. She had a fairy-tale wedding just as she wanted it and she looked absolutely stunning! Reuniting with the rest of the gang from Perth days was indeed special as always, as we remind each other and reflect on how far we've traveled on life's journey in the last 5 years or so.

Mum-in-law came back from Australia this morning, so today will be filled with lots of catching up and conversations.

Lastly, tonight there will be a farewell party for a friend from work, whom we have shared lots of fun times and close friendship with. Although he is his strong character (did I mention he's German?), I admit it is rare to find such an interesting personality. As the rest of the 'gang' had now left the office for their home countries, I realise what an exciting and special year it has been for us - thanks to Felix, Wendy, Lucy and Pete!

Life really is a roller-coaster - sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, but the real challenge is to face it and to know, as Nadia had said it, that it will balance itself out in the end.

Here's to the new year.. wishing it be filled with more happy emotions than sad ones...

let's start blogging!

2005-11-20T02:27:00.000-05:00

I've been toying with the idea of blogging for a while now. I have always been a believer in journals for self reflection, however wasn't sure about the idea of making it 'public'. But the thought of being able to share opinions with friends (and I guess some random people) on stuff - be it movies, books, art, architecture, travel or just some silly issues - seem to be very interesting! Also I often think about how we as human-beings grow and change constantly with time, and the fact that friends and people around us might not always follow this progress. This blog will be a bridge to connect the past and the future, and perhaps to help people know me better. So here goes my thoughts and reflections along life's journey